Life on Atlantis
by simplemusings12
Summary: My name is Isabella, but most people call me Izzy. When my Mom was murdered in our home on Earth, I went to live at Atlantis with the father I've never met. This is my story. ***CHAPTER TWELVE POSTED
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Well hello there. This is my first SGA fic, so go easy on me! I've been a huge fan of the show since it first started and have enjoyed reading what other people have written on here. So… I give you this.**

**Summary: My name is Isabella. When my Mom was murdered in our home, I went to live with my father I've never met. I've been journaling about the experience since my Mom died so I could tell you all about it. So… this is my story.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Atlantis… the show would probably still be on.**

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Chapter 1

I didn't know what was going to happen to me the day my mother died. Here I am, a fourteen year-old girl with no other known family, no parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins…. nothing.

I was under police protection for the first little while because my mother had been murdered in our home. The police think that whoever killed her would have killed me, too, given that I would have been in our condo. I kind of wish they didn't tell me that, because now I'm paranoid and can't sleep at night. Fantastic.

I snuck out the night she was murdered, intent on having some fun. A few of my friends and I were going to see a midnight premier of the latest movie but we had to sneak out because all of our parents said "no." It's not even like it was a school night for heaven's sake. Now that doesn't even seem like that big of a deal…

I was sitting on a couch in the police station when Detective Lawrence came up to me. "We found your father." he said.

Now, I had no idea who my father was at the time. My mother had always told me that I looked just like him, but she never elaborated. It makes me wonder if she resented me for (apparently) looking so much like him. She never wanted to talk about her past with him, about him, or anything that reminded her of him. The only thing I knew is that he was (or maybe still is) in the Air Force.

"Where is he?" I asked, standing to follow him as he motioned me to come.

"We're meeting him in Colorado at the Cheyenne Mountain Complex."

"Colorado?" I said, confused.

"That's where he's currently stationed. Well, that's where we think he's stationed. I just got off the phone with his superior and that's where we are to meet him." Detective Lawrence said.

I nodded as I kept following him. The rest of what happened before I finally met my father was a blur. I remember that I spent the rest of the day packing whatever stuff I wanted to keep because I was apparently moving to live with him. We then boarded a private airplane with all my stuff and flew to Colorado.

Once we got to the Cheyenne Mountain Complex, Detective Lawrence wished me well and sent me on my way. They were kind enough to give me a personal escort that helped me figure out where I was going, so it wasn't difficult. I had to fill out several papers and go through many security clearances before I could see the guy they say is my Dad. I thought it was kind of strange because they just told me I was going on to a military base. Don't they usually just check your ID, you go through a metal detector, and that's it? It's like they were hiding some big secret and needed to make sure that I wasn't a crazy person or something…

Turns out they actually _were _keeping a big secret.

After filling out piles of paperwork and going through security clearance (which took hours, might I add), I was led through heavy sliding metal doors and into this massive, open room that had a huge metal-looking ring… thing, at the top of a ramp.

At the time I didn't know what it was, but came to find out later that it was called a Stargate. I remember walking up the ramp to admire it, when I heard the enormous metal doors that I had just come through a few moments ago slide open.

Startled, I turned around and saw an older man with gray hair and some killer (and by killer I mean huge) eyebrows in military uniform walk in the room. I walked down the ramp to meet him, slightly embarrassed as if I had just been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

"Miss Genova. Welcome to Stargate Command. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm General Landry." The big eyebrows man said to me, extending his hand.

A few yards behind him stood a man in his mid-thirties wearing normal clothes. The thing I noticed first was his spiky hair. It didn't look like he gelled it, but that it was that way naturally. I found it very fascinating.

"Well, I'll leave you to it, then." General Landry said, smiling slightly before leaving the room.

"So…" the normal-looking one said. "I'm John Sheppard. I'm your… father." he said awkwardly, before offering his hand for me to shake.

I shook it with some hesitance before introducing myself. "Isabella Genova. But you can just call me Izzy. Do you work here?" I remember asking, curiosity getting the best of me.

"No. Uh… have you gotten a security clearance? Well… I mean I'm assuming so otherwise they wouldn't have brought you in here." John said. Poor guy, he seemed really nervous; probably just as or more nervous than I was.

"Yeah." I said, pulling out the guest badge with special security clearance they had just given me. "What is that thing anyways?" I asked.

"That is the Stargate. It's a device used to travel between different planets… in fact, you'll be coming to live with me in Atlantis; from my understanding of the situation." John stated, as if it was no big deal.

I was freaking out on the inside. I hear all these "jokes" about there being life on Mars and all this crap, and (apparently) there is life on other planets. It usually takes a lot to make me completely speechless, but I certainly was after John told me that.

"Look, we have a lot that we need to talk about. But for now, we have to think about getting your things on the Daedalus. That's the uh… spaceship… that we'll be going to Atlantis in." John said, stumbling over his words slightly as if he didn't know how to explain the situation to me without completely freaking me out.

I nodded numbly as John motioned to a bald guy that was watching us from a big window on the back wall in that room.

The next thing I knew, I saw a bright light and then I didn't feel anything, and then I was in a spaceship of some kind. It took me a few seconds to regain my composure, and then I looked at John who was watching me with slight amusement on his face.

I walked to large window at (what I assumed was) the front of the spaceship and pressed my hands and face against the window, looking out into space. I saw what I identified as Earth, and I was in complete awe.

I was so terrified though, because so many things just changed all of a sudden. I finally meet my father, there are other habitable planets in the galaxy, there's this thing called a Stargate, and now I'm in a spaceship. Well that's not something you get to experience every day…

"Follow me." John said a few moments later, leading me away from the big windows. He led me through some maze-like halls to a small room with a single bed in it.

"This is where you'll be staying." John said, stepping inside and shoving his hands in his pockets.

I was about to shriek something to the effect of "_what the hell is going on?"_, but before I could say anything, John blurted, "I didn't know."

I looked at him, confused, but he clarified a few seconds later. "I didn't know about you. Otherwise I wouldn't have left Darcy and I would have been there and raised you… but, I didn't know." he said guiltily. I studied his face and I knew he was telling the truth.

It seemed as if John didn't get emotional very often, because he turned his back to me just as I caught a glimpse of a tear threatening to spill over as if he was embarrassed to show any sort of emotion. He stood with his back to me for several seconds and eventually turned around and ran his hand through his hair before speaking.

"Obviously we're going to have to have a very long conversation. But, I want to give you the opportunity to settle in and rest so that you'll be able to understand everything that I have to tell you. The bathroom is just down the hall, but I want you to be either there or here for the next few hours. After that, I'll answer any question you have." he said. This was obviously very difficult for him, too. "Deal?"

John didn't know it, but he was already going into father-mode.

I honestly didn't know what to say because I was still in shock from the things I discovered in the past couple of hours. So, I just nodded and he gave me a sort of small smile and left, closing the door behind him.

Quite honestly, I was kind of pissed off, but not necessarily at him…

You see, my Mom and I didn't exactly have the best relationship. She was a big time lawyer in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. For as long as I can remember, I felt like she only had time for her job and never for me. Needless to say, I was a lot closer to my nanny than I was to my Mom.

And it wasn't that she was a bad Mom; when she was there anyways. The problem is that she never was there… or _hardly _ever.

I had always asked questions about my Dad but she never told me anything, so I began to wonder if he even knew I existed. Turns out, he didn't. I guess I can't really blame him for not being there when he didn't even know about me.

But, dang it, I really wanted to be pissed at him. There have been many times in my life when I wanted my Dad… and the best I got was whatever boyfriend my Mom had at the time.

Sure, they were all _okay, _but they weren't my Dad, and they never could be.

Now, in the most unfortunate and gosh-awful way possible, my Dad was finally here... did I mention that we're on a spaceship headed to another planet in another galaxy? **oh. my. god.**

If you asked me two hours ago, I wouldn't have believed that there were any other habitable planets in the universe… but apparently there's a whole butt-ton of them and the government even possesses this thing called a Stargate that transports you from planet to planet.

I laid down on the uncomfortable cot in my temporary bedroom and tried to put the pieces together in my brain.

The thing that baffled me the most is how the government kept that big of a secret from everyone. It makes me wonder if there are any other secrets that I don't know about. I mean… how could they possibly hide stuff like that? And if we could travel from planet to planet and go to a whole 'nother galaxy within a matter of days, then why were trips to the moon so important and made into such a big deal? Is it because the government was trying to cover up this huge secret that they made the now seemingly small things into a big deal just to distract us and make us think that there was nothing else? Or do not very many people within the government even know about the Stargate?

The thing about today is that; it should have been a huge deal _because I met my Dad. _But, after I found out about all these other planets and galaxies and spaceships… the fact that I met my Dad seemed like a small, insignificant occasion.

I ended up wearing myself out with all these big questions in my mind. My guess is that John could answer them when we talked a little later… guess his suggestion of taking a nap wasn't a bad idea after all.

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**A/N: What do you think? Should I continue? REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the follows/reviews! I forgot to mention… this will be set in season 3 after The Return (both parts). **

**Next chapter I'll start incorporating some of the episodes with my story. It's gonna be grand. Promise.**

**Disclaimer: I'm an unashamed SGA addict… but I don't own it.**

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Chapter 2

John came and got me a few hours later and led me to a cafeteria. When I looked out the window, I saw purple streaks flying past… that's the best way I could describe it anyways. I've never seen anything like it before.

John walked up beside me. "We're in hyperspace. We're traveling faster than the speed of light," he said nonchalantly.

I looked at him with wide eyes. "We can do that?!" I screeched.

He gave me a sort of lopsided grin and nodded.

"Why don't we have a seat," John said as more of a statement rather than a suggestion, motioning to a table nearby.

"So, you want to tell me what the hell is going on?" I said impatiently, taking a seat.

John glared at me and told me to watch my language, which made me even more pissed off than I already was; like he had any right to tell me what to do. I just glared back at him.

"Did you bring your birth certificate?" John asked, motioning to the backpack I had with me. I reached inside and pulled out an envelope that the police gave me. I didn't look inside, but they told me that it had all the papers that I would need. I assumed my birth certificate would be among them.

John opened the folder and flipped through some papers. "You just had a birthday," John stated as he looked at me and gave me that same smirk again. I nodded, but I was still mad at him.

"What happened with you and Mom?" I asked him a few moments later, wanting to at least know his and my Mom's history.

He slowly closed the folder and ran his hand through his messy hair again. His countenance changed, and he looked sad now, even a little hurt.

"Your Mom and I had been dating for about two years. I was on my way to her apartment after getting off work; I had taken a half-day that day because I was going to propose to her. I really loved her. But, when I got there, I found her making out with my best friend… that's the short of it anyways." John said. I felt my anger towards him lessen as I listened to him tell me about my Mom cheating on him.

This honestly didn't surprise me, though, just based on the number of boyfriends my Mom had… that I knew of anyways. It seemed to me like she wasn't content with anyone and that she always had to have someone. The longest boyfriend she had that I remember lasted for like six months...maybe.

"So…" he continued, "I took the ring back to the jeweler and accepted a job offer overseas in Afghanistan. I then got married a couple years later to a woman named Nancy, but… that didn't work out either." John said sadly.

I honestly didn't know how to respond to that, so I stayed quiet… hoping that John would keep talking so that I wouldn't have to.

John cleared his throat awkwardly. "Now, I'm sure you want to know about what's going on in regards to the Stargate and being able to go to other planets and everything…" John stated. I nodded, looking rather impatient, I'm sure.

John patiently explained everything that I would need to know about living in Atlantis: about what a Stargate is and how it works and about the Wraith and the threat they posed.

Just hearing about the Wraith freaked me out more than anything else I've heard up to this point. Basically, there are these aliens that kind of look like a man in their build; but they're infinitely stronger and can literally suck the life out of you with their hands.

Well that's just fancrappintastic. Just go ahead and add that to the list of things I'll be having nightmares about…

He then told me about the Ancients and how they were defeated by the Wraith many years ago. John told me that a very few number of people possess the "Ancient Gene", which makes them able to access and control their technology. John said that he would have me tested when we got to Atlantis, saying that because he had the gene then I probably would, too.

That's basically the gist of everything he told me.

"Just so you know," John said, "I don't expect you to call me 'Dad' right away. You can call me John until you feel comfortable. Okay?" he said as closing to our conversation.

I nodded. I didn't know how long it would take me to call him Dad. One part of me was still angry with him for missing the first fourteen years of my life, which made me want to call him John…

…but another part of me was sympathetic towards him. It was probably harder for him than it was for me because he didn't even know about me until he literally missed my entire childhood. I have a feeling that it's something he's going to regret for the rest of his life.

The next few days before I got to Atlantis went by quickly. I got to meet a lot of new people and continued to learn more about the stuff that John had just briefly talked to me about. I decided that, despite my original doubts, I was excited to go live with John on Atlantis.

I was eating lunch with John in the cafeteria when I heard the Captain announce over the loudspeaker that we were going to be dropping out of hyperspace.

"You're gonna want to see this…" John said as he stood, motioning for me to follow.

He led me to the front of the ship where the Captain was, and he stood at a big window and folded his arms over his chest, watching outside as we entered the atmosphere of the planet.

I stood in anticipation… waiting to get a glimpse of my new home.

What I saw took my breath away. Here, in the middle of an ocean was this huge city that looked like it could hold millions of people. I was in awe of the massive-ness of Atlantis. Absolutely breathtaking. I hope the feeling that I had when I first saw it never goes away…

We landed on a platform and John said that he would take me in to introduce me to his team. We walked into an elevator-looking-thing (that's the best way I could describe it… I later learned that it's called the "transporter". Wow. Real original.) and he pushed on a different part of the city on a screen inside.

I'm guessing I was just beamed (or whatever they call it) over there, because I remember seeing the same bright light and feeling nothing, then suddenly being in a different place.

I was led through what I would later learn was the "gate room" and the "control room." I guessed as much, since the "gate room" had a Stargate in it and the "control room" had more computers and nerdy people to match than I could count.

We walked down a hall towards a wall, when it suddenly rotated and we were in a conference room.

I followed John in, staying behind him, as I was suddenly feeling anxious.

The first one I noticed was this beast of a man that looked angry (I think he just normally looks like that) and slightly confused upon seeing me. He was completely ripped… I definitely would not want to get into a fight with him. He looks like he could kill a man with his pinky.

John noticed my hesitation and put his hand on my shoulder, bringing me slightly in front of him.

"Everyone. This is Izzy… my daughter." John said. It seemed like he was getting more comfortable with having a kid in the few days I've known him, but he also seemed nervous to introduce me to everyone on his team. I have a feeling that it's because he's worried to see their reactions…

…which would have been absolutely hysterical to see if it was under any other circumstances.

"Your what?!" the freakishly white man shrieked, almost dropping the laptop he had in his hands.

The only woman in the room's eyes widened more than I thought humanly possible, but composed herself and softened, walking forward to introduce herself.

"My name is Teyla Emmagen." she said as introduction. She put her hands on my shoulders and lowered her head. John motioned for me to touch my forehead to hers and we held there for a few seconds. That was honestly the strangest introduction in the history of ever…

"Welcome." she said, smiling at me. I decided that, despite the strange greeting, I liked her.

I have a feeling that a lot of weird things are going to be happening from here on out, and that I was just going to have to learn to get used to it.

John introduced me to Rodney next. I don't really know what to think of him… he's obviously a huge nerd, and John and Ronon (that's the beast-man's name) just mercilessly make fun of him… I'm kind of excited to join in on that fun, although I have the feeling that Teyla would be disapproving of me if I did… oh well.

Ronon just nodded at me as John introduced me to him, adding to my growing terror of this man.

The next person I met was Dr. Weir, the commander of Atlantis. She didn't seem surprised that John had a daughter like the others were. I'm assuming that John had already told her because he probably needed her permission in order for me to come live here…

John led me down the halls as we made our way to where we would be living. I couldn't help but notice the strange looks people were giving us. Most of them looked confused or surprised to see John walking with a teenage girl…

My Mom was definitely right, though. I was the spitting image of my father. You'd have to be blind to miss the resemblance between us. It seemed to me as if most people picked up on the resemblance as they saw us walking together…

We arrived to a large room on one of the outer rooms in one of the towers. I honestly didn't even know where I was in the city anymore.

It was a quaint little apartment, and is apparently where John and I would be living. He took me into my room, which was a large bedroom with a bathroom attached to it and a balcony overlooking part of Atlantis. John's bedroom was right next to mine, except his room and balcony were a little bigger than mine.

"They were kind enough to give us adjoining rooms. I thought I might have to fight them in order to get it. My other room wouldn't work for two people." John said. I noticed that my stuff was in my room. John's room was filled with boxes, so it looked like we would both be doing a lot of unpacking in the next couple of days.

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"We're going to have to go over some rules…" John said that night after I had changed into my pajamas before I turned in for the night. I put my book down as John came and sat on the edge of my bed.

"One: don't touch stuff or go off exploring on your own. This is a big city with lots of places we haven't even gotten the chance to explore yet. This is a safe place to live, but there are a lot of things that could be unsafe if you go around touching things. You can also access a lot more than most people here, since you have the Ancient gene." John said. It seemed pretty reasonable to me, so I nodded.

"Second: you aren't allowed to go off-world. It's just not safe. We'll take you to the mainland sometime, but that's all you're going to be able to go to for right now." This kind of bummed me out and the thought of sneaking off-world crossed my mind, but the thought alone terrified me so I pushed it out of my mind.

"Third: just because you don't live on Earth anymore doesn't mean that schooling stops. I won't make you go through formal, eight hours a day training, but I do want you to keep learning as we teach you." he said. I actually enjoyed learning, so this rule I didn't care about.

"I know it's going to be weird at first… listening to me and all, but I want you to know that I'm gonna do my best to be a good Dad. But, I want some effort on your part, too. This isn't easy for me either." John said honestly. I nodded again, mostly content with the ground rules. They weren't unreasonable, and John seemed to be an honest guy… so I really couldn't complain much.

"Now, the most important thing." John said as he handed me an earpiece just like the one he was currently wearing. "This is so that you can contact me or anyone else if you need to. I want you to be wearing this when you aren't sleeping or showering." John said seriously. He showed me how to put it on and use it.

I told him that I understood, and snuggled under my covers.

John stood over me, and I didn't know what he was doing at first. But then he pulled the covers up to my neck and smoothed my hair back from my forehead.

"Goodnight, Izzy." John said softly, leaving the room.

Well that was weird. I couldn't remember ever being tucked in before, but I decided that I kind of liked it even though it was strange at first. It made me feel a little safer in this new and unfamiliar environment and helped coax me to sleep.

Remember when I said that I had a feeling that a lot of weird things would probably happen and that I was just going to have to get used to it? Yeah… well the (extreme) weirdness started the day after I arrived. Oh, what an adventure this will be.

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**A/N: Meh… I didn't really know how to end this chapter. I was going to combine the next chapter with this one, but then it would have been way too long. I'll post it within the next couple of days. But for now, goodnight!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you so so much for the lovely reviews! They help motivate me to write more. **

**Disclaimer: I own Izzy, and everything pertaining to Izzy… but nothing else.**

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Chapter 3

The next day I was in (what I have named) "the sparring room" and was sitting on the window seat watching Teyla and Ronon fight.

It was actually quite fascinating. My brain could hardly keep up with what was going on. How they could anticipate the person's next move and deflect it was beyond me.

The interesting thing about this was that Ronon was obviously the stronger person, but Teyla seemed to be more experienced and agile. Even though I didn't understand much of what was taking place, I did know that Teyla was soundly beating Ronon. I definitely wanted to learn how to spar in the near future…

I watched as Teyla head-butted and then jumped and kicked Ronon. I cringed as he groaned and doubled over in pain... that's gotta hurt.

"I'm sorry. You weren't expecting that?" Teyla said sarcastically, smirking in self-satisfaction at Ronon's agony. I laughed as Ronon glared at her, then got up to go with them as they left.

John had wanted me to spend some time getting to know the people on Atlantis, especially the members of his team. I think he was in a meeting or something during that time, so I was intent on going with Teyla, even though I was still apprehensive around Ronon. I guess I'm gonna have to get used to it, though. He seems like a nice person when he wants to be, anyways.

We were walking down the stairs when Ronon said, "I was tired. It was a long day," as if he was trying to come up with some excuse as to why Teyla just beat the crap out of him. It appeared as if Teyla won pretty often. We just laughed at him.

They were talking about meditation when I noticed Teyla freeze and stare at something straight ahead. Whatever she was looking at noticeably frightened her, which made me nervous even though I couldn't see anything except an empty hallway and a wall.

"What is it?" Ronon asked, looking between back and forth between Teyla and whatever she was seeing.

Whatever it was… neither Ronon nor I saw it.

"A woman." Teyla stated. Ronon glanced at me, and he and I both were extremely confused.

"What…woman…?" Ronan asked.

Teyla didn't answer, but she stepped to the side (almost stepping in to me) as if she was letting someone pass her. She glanced at Ronon because it was clear that she didn't understand what was going on either.

We looked behind us as Teyla continued to anxiously observe whatever she was seeing for a brief moment before she started walking towards the transporter. She suddenly gasped, taking frightened, short breaths and backed up quickly into Ronon who caught her from behind and then held her forearms as he tried to understand what was happening.

We went to the infirmary with her. She had calmed down now and was getting examined by Dr. Beckett. I didn't really understand what was going on because I didn't understand the medical terminology Dr. Beckett was using, but I caught on that there weren't any reasons as to why Teyla was seeing whatever she saw.

They were talking about the Ancients, and I didn't really understand what was going on then either because I didn't know any of their background as of that point.

John came in then to pick me up and we left a few minutes later with Dr. Weir. We were walking down the hallway, talking about Teyla when Rodney came up next to us.

"There you are!" he exclaimed.

"Rodney, I told you…" Dr. Weir started.

"Oh no, not you. I mean Sheppard." He said. He then started babbling about something… I just kind of tuned him out as John and I exchanged an impatient look.

He showed us a picture of a rather large fish and continued to babble about sea life and crustaceans and… something. John looked slightly amused but mostly annoyed and aggravated. I could tell that he was worried about Teyla and wanted to figure out as much as I did what was going on.

"I think it's the same whale that saved me from the sunken jumper last year." Rodney said excitedly.

"I thought Zelenka and I saved you."

"Well… technically you did but it was Sam that led you to me." Dr. Mckay argued.

I started giggling as John and Dr. Weir tried to maintain some level of professionalism. I can't believe that Rodney actually named the whale… fish…. whatever… at all, let alone after a woman he's not even dating.

And then he said that he named the whale after Samantha Carter (whoever that is). I'll have to ask John about her later; because I get the feeling that it's a story that I'm really going to want to hear.

* * *

Here's the jist of what happened over the course of the next several days:

There was this massive group of "whales" that were joining together under Atlantis to seek protection from this solar "flare" that would have destroyed the entire planet.

As a result of the whales, people were getting really bad headaches and were seeing these "hallucinations" (or projections as Mckay called it) of Ancients. Some saw a "burn man", others saw a few people in front of a screen, obviously stressed out and worried about what they were seeing, and the rest of them saw a woman.

John and Dr. Mckay took the ZPM from Atlantis and flew on the Daedalus towards the sun to deflect the flare away from the planet since we wouldn't have nearly enough power to extend the shields to protect us.

I was _not _happy about John going on this extremely risky mission… although it didn't really matter because I was there, too.

I had been transferred to the Daedalus because I was _really _sick. I was the second person to start seeing the projections, which means that I had a longer amount of time for my symptoms to progress.

It all started with this killer migraine. It was an intense stabbing pain and was nothing like I had ever experienced before in my life. Shortly after the killer migraine made itself known, my nose started bleeding… a couple hours after that, my ears bled.

It was at the point of my ears starting to bleed that John insisted I be beamed to the Daedalus. What almost worried me more than my ears and nose bleeding was the fact that John was _so worried_. He's very good at staying stoic and composed most of the time since he was basically second-in-command on Atlantis and a lot of people looked to him.

…and everyone knows that when the leader is freaking out, then everyone else will start freaking out, too.

So he insisted that I be among the first group to be beamed to the Daedalus. I started feeling better almost immediately.

Shortly after I was beamed to the Daedalus, I learn of John's gutsy plan and would have tried to knock some sense in to him if I wasn't literally half-dead.

But in the end, his plan worked and we got to go back to Atlantis.

* * *

The next several days were that of recovery for everyone on Atlantis. It didn't really take me that long to get back on my feet, but when I did it was pretty grand.

Teyla was going to start teaching me how to meditate which (she says) will help me clear my mind and relax enough to sleep at night. She also said that it helps her with nightmares, which is something that I was very happy about.

Now that we're on the subject of having nightmares… I have at least one almost every night. They are either about my Mom being murdered or me or John getting the life sucked out of us by these Wraith creatures.

I still haven't seen one, so I don't exactly know what they look like. But, I have an overactive imagination much of the time and my subconscious did a darn good job (if you even want to call it that) of constructing a pretty terrifying image of a Wraith...

….watch them not be that scary in real life.

Anyways… back to meditating.

Teyla started teaching me how to meditate. It was difficult for the first little while, but got easier the more you "practiced." Ronon joined in and he even fell asleep the first time, which had me giggling but it was pretty obvious that Teyla was annoyed with him.

The first time Ronon joined was before all the madness occurred. The second time he joined it was after the madness. Teyla eventually let him try again with the looming threat of Ronon being hit with a sheathed sword if he fell asleep again.

Needless to say, it was pretty hard for me to focus on meditating after that. I actually wanted to see Ronon fall asleep just so I could see how Teyla would react. I have the feeling that she would have been less than kind (even though she is most of the time).

After I was fully recovered, John started teaching me sparring lessons! I actually didn't know that he could spar until I brought it up one night when he had come to tuck me in.

Sparring was really complicated and difficult, just like I thought it would be. John told me that I would need to work out on a regular basis and showed me the types of exercises I would need to be doing to improve my strength and agility. Little did I know, sparring was almost as much of a mental game than a physical one. But, it was a lot of fun, just as I had expected.

It has taken a lot of getting used to having a parent that's around almost all of the time. John is an extremely busy man because he has to sit in on basically all of the meetings and such (being second-in-command and all). This didn't really bother me though, because even though he was busy he always made time for me, which my Mom never did.

I'm also not mad at him anymore. I learned to see the situation from his perspective eventually, which was not an easy task to do. It helped talking about it, because it helped me see his side of the situation and him see my side.

I was mad at him for the first four or five weeks on Atlantis, and I hardly ever talked to him (or anyone), but now I've come to see him as my Dad… and I might even start calling him that soon. I don't know if I'm that comfortable yet.

I don't even call him John, though. Come to think of it… I don't call him anything.

I can tell that he is trying really hard. He's made it very clear that he's there for me whenever I need him, even if he's in the middle of something else. The only time he's not "there" for me is when he goes off-world, which happens a lot more often than I like.

But, he always says goodbye before he leaves. I think he's become a little more cautious and less gung-ho than he was before now that I'm here. I can tell that he doesn't want to go on suicide missions because of his looming fear that he won't come back sometime.

I wouldn't know that except I overheard him telling Teyla one night. She sometimes comes in just to talk to him after I've "gone to sleep." I overheard this conversation a couple nights ago:

"_I don't know, Teyla. I don't know if I'm doing a good job." John confessed._

"_Doing a good job with what?" she asked softly. I almost didn't hear what she said._

"_Being a father to Izzy. I know I can't be there for her all the time, and it freaks me out." John said worriedly. _

"_John…" Teyla began. "If you ask me, you are the most natural father I have ever seen. Izzy might not be comfortable with you yet, but if you keep pursuing her and if you give her time, I think you will see her come around."_

It was at this point that he confessed his reluctance to go on dangerous missions in case something happened… like him getting killed, or kidnapped, or the any number of crazy things that could happen.

The fact that he was scared made me even more terrified than I already was. I was just starting to get used to him going off world because he always seemed so calm and confident on the outside. Learning that he was anxious about it made me frightened.

I didn't hear the rest of what they were talking about because I was too busy thinking about what John had just confessed to Teyla.

…If I thought life was complicated and stressful before, it definitely is now. Not only do I have the normal stressors of being a teenage girl in a new relationship with her father, but there's also the fact that I don't even live on the same planet or in the same galaxy anymore. There's aliens and mutant viruses and plagues and solar flares that destroy entire planets and soooooooo many more things to worry about.

My life had certainly changed in the past two months. It's extremely stressful, and there are a lot of things that have taken some getting used to. But one thing I wouldn't do…

…I wouldn't change it for the world.

* * *

**A/N: I didn't like this chapter as much as the other ones, but I hope you guys enjoyed it? I'll have the next chapter posted soon!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This is fanfiction, so we're gonna pretend a little bit. **

**The episode "Michael" takes place during Season 3… so, definitely AU here but you're just gonna have to go with it. **

**Disclaimer: don't own it.**

* * *

Chapter 4

Two months and one day after I moved to Atlantis, I was kidnapped by the Wraith…

…and not just any Wraith. Michael.

Just to kind of give you some background information, Michael used to be a Wraith. A couple weeks ago they had caught him and experimented with this… well I don't really know exactly how it all worked, but they were basically able to reverse his genes and turned him into a human, under the condition that Dr. Beckett had to keep giving him this injection to keep him from mutating back into a Wraith.

Well, unfortunately, Michael found out what he used to be and was furious, claiming that they had no right to do that to him.

That part I don't really understand because he's definitely going to have a better life as a human than as a Wraith. How does he not understand that?

They took Michael off-world to the Alpha site, and after begging and begging… John let me go along.

They had already explored the planet and found it to be void of any known creatures, Wraith, etc. etc.

Plus, I had been going through weapons and self-defense training, and after I pleaded with John to let me go "just this once", he agreed to talk to Dr. Weir. And while she wasn't fond of the idea, John can be rather persuasive.

So, I tagged along.

I'm not entirely sure what happened exactly, but Michael got loose from his bonds and started to escape the planet, with Teyla unconscious in the tent (I guess he had knocked her out after she let him loose).

I had wandered off to go pee, and when I was on my way back, Michael saw me and jumped on the opportunity to take out revenge on the people who originally kidnapped him. I ended up getting dragged along…

* * *

**John's POV:**

Normally Izzy would be the one telling you her story, but because of the traumatic experience she had, she asked me to write about what happened.

I had originally told her to leave it out if she wanted, but her response was that it's part of her story and it's important to have every piece of it present.

She had come to me when she found out we were going off world to one of the Alpha sites, and after she pleaded with me, I allowed her to go along.

I was still mostly uncomfortable with it, but she was a natural when it came to firing weapons and sparring. She didn't know it, but she was one of the fastest learners I have ever met. That made me a little more comfortable with the idea. Plus, she'll probably be joining my team when she gets older, so I'm going to have to let her go at some point.

We took Michael along with us to the Alpha site as a precaution, and I didn't think he would be any immediate threat.

But, unfortunately, Michael somehow managed to take over Teyla's mind, and she let him go. She was knocked unconscious, and on the way off the planet, he grabbed Izzy in an attempt to bring revenge on us.

We found them on another planet a few hours later after she scraped the gate address onto a rock. That, more than almost anything else, made me extremely proud of her. She definitely takes after me…

He didn't do much to her other than knock her around a bit and had left her mostly unscathed, but she could never unsee what she saw.

Michael had begun to mutate back into a Wraith after a prolonged period of time without receiving his injection. Izzy had never seen a Wraith and I wanted to protect her from ever having to for as long as possible… unfortunately, it came a lot faster than any of us expected.

When I found them, Michael looked like a half-Wraith half-human. His complexion was almost back to white, his voice had changed, and his facial features were that of a Wraith, including his eyes, which had gone back to the yellow cat-eyes (how I can best describe it to you) and pointy teeth.

Izzy had never seen anything like it before, so his appearance scared her almost more than anything else.

Ronon was tracking them on the planet we followed them to. When we started getting closer, I heard Izzy let out this blood-curdling scream, yelling for help. There aren't many things in this world that terrify me as much as hearing Izzy scream… that's definitely in the top three.

I yelled back to her, and then she starting screaming for me. She started screaming for her "Daddy" to help her.

…that was the first time Izzy called me "Daddy." She never called me anything before; she would just talk to me. While I wanted her to be able to call me "Dad" all along, I wish more than anything it was under better, happier circumstances.

After hearing her yelling for me, we took off in a sprint in the direction of her cries. There were other Wraith that were closing in quickly, so we quickly shot Michael a few times right as he brought his hand back to feed upon her.

Izzy is strong. When she saw him go down, and made eye contact with me, she was able to compose herself enough to grab my sidearm as the rest of us fired at the Wraith that had begun to quickly close in.

We didn't stop running until we got back to Atlantis. I remember picking her up and carrying her in the direction of the infirmary. As soon as I scooped her up, she broke down completely. It broke my heart hearing her sob, but I did my best at the time to try to comfort her.

I held her tightly as we went to get her checked on by Dr. Beckett. She ended up just having a few cuts and bruises so she was cleared… medically speaking, but I fear that the trauma she experienced is going to be something that's going to take a while to completely recover from.

I shouldn't have let her come with us. I honestly didn't think anything would happen, so I didn't see the problem with her coming along; especially since she could shoot a gun and defend herself pretty well.

She fell asleep in my arms that night. She didn't want to let go, and neither did I. I think it was too close of a call for the both of us. I just hope that we don't have any reoccurrences of that anytime in the near future.

* * *

**Izzy's POV**

I had fallen asleep wrapped safely in John's arms that night. I don't ever remember being so completely terrified in my entire life. The Wraith were much more terrifying than I had ever imagined.

It's pretty safe to say that I won't be asking to go off world any time soon. If that's what is out there (Wraith), then I would much rather stay safe in the confines of Atlantis and my John's arms.

I jolted awake after having a nightmare when I came to realize I was still resting on John's chest.

He sat up, concerned, and put his hands on my forearms as I tried to catch my breath.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly. I could tell that he was extremely worried about me, and we wasn't even trying to hide it like he normally did. I'm assuming his reasoning is so that he can be strong for me.

I shook my head and resumed my earlier position, laying my head on his chest, finding his steady heartbeat under my ear. I heard him sigh worriedly as he wrapped his strong arms around me. While it might take me a while to get past what happened, I know that it will be a lot easier with John's help.

* * *

**A/N: A little bit of a shorter chapter than usual, but I hope you enjoyed the different perspective and developing characters!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry it took a little while to post a new chapter… I've been busy! I'll be starting a 50hr/week job a week from today, so updates will be slower than usual.**

**Also, Charin hasn't died yet…**

**Disclaimer: Does an "Atlantis Addicts Anonymous" group exist? I might need it.**

* * *

Chapter 5

There are many things in this world John doesn't like.

One: the Wraith. I honestly don't think there's anything more in this world that he detests more than them… and the reasons I don't even need to explain because it seems pretty obvious.

Two: clowns. This I completely understand. I'm not really sure why people think it's funny for grown men (or women) to walk around with painted faces, wearing ridiculous clothing… attempting to make jokes that _aren't _funny.

And before you know it, you'll be going to deposit a check at the bank with your Mom and they (the clowns) will basically chase you to try to get you to eat a cupcake or hot dog on the bank's promotional day…

…yes, I'm still bitter about that.

Three: physical contact.

You see, he's not very good at expressing his emotions and feelings anyways; physically or emotionally. He gets nervous and uncomfortable and stutters over his words, which is kind of funny but sad at the same time.

I know that he wishes he was better at it, but he didn't have the best childhood from what he told me. His Dad has his entire life planned out for him and was expected to meet really high expectations.

John could have been anything he wanted to be. Not very many people know this, but he's super smart. Like, "I'm-gonna-take-the-Mensa-test-and-not-join-even-t hough-I-passed-and-then-not-tell-anyone-about-it" type smart. I'm not really sure why he went in to the Air Force to become a pilot if he was that smart, though…

The fact that he didn't like physical contact could be problematic for me, because I tend to be the opposite of him in that regard. I think that John has picked up on this, because I can tell that he's making an extra effort to try to open up to me a little more than he has in the past couple of months.

For example, he almost always gives me a hug before he goes off world and (if he's not off world) will come to tuck me in before I go to bed at night (which had quickly become my favorite part of every day). I hope it takes him a while to figure out that I'm too old to be tucked in…

He also hates Iratus bugs. Rodney told me the story of how they were running to escape the Wraith, when John turned around right into this bug, which latched onto his neck. The only way they could get it off was to stop his heart using the defibrillator, pull it off once the bug started to sense he was "dead", and then hit him with it again to bring him back. And then to add to the drama, they got stuck in the Stargate and almost didn't make it…

* * *

We were on the way to the jumper bay, because John was _finally _taking me to the mainland to meet Teyla's people. Teyla had already gone with Dr. Beckett a few hours earlier and we were going to meet them there

I had flown on an airplane a few times before if I was going out of town with my Mom if she was working on a case out of town or something. My least favorite part was the turbulence, because it almost inevitably made me sick; depending on the severity of it. That frustrated my Mom and made her embarrassed, which I don't understand because it's not like I could help it.

This is the same kind of experience that I expected with the jumper, but it's nothing like riding on an airplane.

First of all, the jumper is a _spaceship, _and can go a _lot _faster than an airplane. Second, jumpers have an inertial dampener, which is an artificial-gravity-type-thingy on the interior of the ship, making it so that you can't feel a thing. Which is great for me. No turbulence=happy Izzy.

"Do you miss home?" John asked after it was silent for the first few minutes.

"Not really." I said. "There are some things that I miss, but I'm happy to get away from it all…" I said sadly.

"Get away from what?" he asked.

"Everything." I stated. "I didn't get along well with Mom anyways, and I stopped having a nanny about a year ago, and I didn't really have any friends to speak of, so I guess I didn't really leave too much behind." I said sadly.

"What happened with you and your Mom, and why don't you have friends?" he asked somewhat worriedly.

"Well, Mom was never around because she was always working on a case somewhere. So… I guess we never really connected like we should have. I was almost always in bed by the time she got home at night."

John looked at me sadly, and with that I could tell that he heavily regretted what happened with me and with him not being there.

"And I guess I had some friends, but none that were _good friends._ I played soccer and was pretty good, but I also get good grades, which means that I'm sort of stuck between circles. I'm not really a jock, but I'm not a nerd, either." I said, trying to make him understand.

"Plus," I continued, "I went to school in a different town so none of my friends even lived near me. I didn't hang out with people outside of school."

"Well, things are going to be different now." John stated. "You're stuck with us. And by us, I mean everyone on Atlantis. I can already tell how much they care about you." he said, and I could tell he was being serious and honest.

I found that I was already becoming close with several people on Atlantis, which made leaving Earth a lot easier.

First of all, Teyla. She has become like an older sister in the couple months that I've known her. She and John both have been teaching me how to spar; and we do it almost everyday. She also tells me a lot of stories; about what it was like to grow up with the Ethosians. They were always so interesting and exciting and I was constantly begging her to tell me more.

She told me about the time when they first came to Atlantis after their planet had been attacked by the Wraith. She told me that John used to tell the Ethosian kids stories before they would go to bed, and it was almost always a struggle to get them to go to bed afterwards because they had always wanted to hear more…

…that is exactly how I feel about Teyla and her stories, because hearing about different worlds an vastly different cultures is so fascinating (obviously).

A little while later, we arrived on the mainland.

"Colonel Sheppard." this tall guy with a beard said. He noticed me standing behind him and looked at John, confused.

"Oh… Halling, meet my daughter, Izzy." he said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I was not aware that you had children, Colonel Sheppard." Halling said, still looking at me with a confused expression on his face.

"Yeah, well I didn't either until a couple months ago." John said awkwardly.

In the Ethosian culture, it was unheard of to have a child and then not know about her until she was already a teenager. In fact, if a father (or mother) "abandoned" his child, he would basically be exiled from the community or face imprisonment or a number of other things. It was even heavily frowned upon to have sexual relations before their version of "marriage".

Several kids and teenagers basically swarmed around me and started asking me questions about what it was like to have "Colonel Sheppard" as a father. It was a little overwhelming, but I answered their questions as best as I could anyways.

I could tell that they really respected and looked up to my Dad, which even made me respect him a little more.

I wandered off to find Teyla and found her in a tent with someone named "Charin". She was this lovely old lady who made an amazing "tuttleroot" soup… whatever that is. I was almost afraid to ask. All I know is that it was delicious.

I was immediately welcomed by her. Within minutes of talking to her, I already wanted to adopt her as my Grandma… or great Grandma. I honestly had no idea how old this woman was.

"So dear, tell me. What was life like on Earth?" Charin asked me.

"A lot different than it is here." I said with a smile. "The people aren't as nice as the people I've met here, and the culture is a lot different, too."

We talked for a few more hours until John came to get Teyla and me to head back to Atlantis. I gave Charin a huge goodbye and we left together.

"I see you made a new friend." my Dad said after we were on our way back to Atlantis.

I smiled and nodded and looked at Teyla, who was smiling at me.

"Charin is an amazing woman." I said. We rode in companionable silence back to Atlantis, content with not saying anything.

* * *

Teyla and I spent a good portion of the rest of the day training.

"You have been practicing." Teyla stated after we sparred some.

"Yeah, well you still beat me." I said, disappointedly.

"I have been training many more years than you." she said, putting her hand on my shoulder. "But, the only person I've seen learn as quickly as you is your father."

"Really?" I asked, surprised.

"You are a natural." she said, as she nodded at me and left the room.

I've been visiting Dr. Beckett in the infirmary a lot more often in recent days because of various injuries… mostly from sparring.

For the first few weeks of training I would only spar with Teyla or John because they would go a little easier on me than the other people…

…I made the mistake of sparring with Ronon a few days ago. It was the day after Michael kidnapped me, so needless to say… I was a little distracted.

Ronon ended up getting a lucky shot in and nailed me above my right eyebrow.

Blood happened.

…and a mild concussion.

Ronon felt really bad and took my to the infirmary to see Dr. Beckett. He kept apologizing along the way and I kept telling him that it was fine because accidents happen.

"What happened?" Dr. Beckett asked.

"We were sparring and he got in a lucky shot." I replied, sitting on the bed so he could take a look at it.

"You were sparring with Ronon?" Dr. Beckett asked incredulously.

"Yeah…. probably not one of my best decisions." I said.

"What happened?" I heard John ask as he came in the room a few minutes later. Dr. Beckett was so kind as to radio him and tell him that I needed stitches and probably had a mild concussion. Ronon, still standing beside my bed, told him and apologized.

"Are you out of your mind?" John asked, directing the question to me.

I was lying on the bed at this point while Carson was stitching me up. I could tell by Carson's body language that he disapproved of my sparring with Ronon.

"Maybe just a little…" I said somewhat sarcastically.

Here's what I have learned about Ronon. He's what I would call a "gentle giant". He's very caring towards Teyla and me especially, but can put up one hell of a fight. He's basically a killing machine because of his size, skill, and strength.

With all that being said, I'm not apprehensive towards him anymore. In fact, I'm glad that there's someone like him watching out for me… makes me sleep a little better at night.

I honestly didn't care that Ronon split my head open. I have a high tolerance for pain and I was the one who asked him to spar with me, so I don't see what the big deal was.

But John and Carson were upset, saying that I wasn't ready to fight him yet because I'm not ready to fight someone with his size and strength.

At least I got off with a warning this time.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry for the loooong wait! As I had mentioned in a previous A/N, I would be working a 50hr/week job. I don't typically get home until about 7:30pm or so, at which point I catch up with my family, eat food, shower, and go to bed. And, this is the first weekend that I've actually been home since I started a couple weeks ago. With all that being said, I hope you'll forgive me!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own it.**

* * *

Chapter 6

I sat up in bed, gasping as I tried to catch my breath.

I hope I didn't scream, because if I did it would only be a matter of seconds before John made an appearance in my room.

But, I apparently did.

I saw John's familiar shadow in the doorway as he opened the door to my room, pulling on a black t-shirt that he probably grabbed in his haste to get to my room. He hesitated only a moment before he rushed in and sat in front of me on the bed, placing his hands on my shoulders as he tried to calm me down.

"It's okay, it's okay. Just breath. Deep breaths… in and out." he said, not really making any sense at all.

I struggled to comply, but after a few minutes I calmed down.

"Ah." I said as I squeezed my head between my hands, my frustration from not being able to remember what I dreamed about or why I woke up screaming beginning to give me a headache.

"What was your nightmare about?" John asked as he began to rub my back soothingly.

"…I can't remember." I said as I continued to massage my temples.

"It's probably for the best." John said as he pulled the sheets up to my neck after I had laid back down.

I suddenly got afraid of being left alone in the dark, so I grabbed John's hand before he could leave my side of the bed.

"Please! Don't go." I said as a frightened tear escaped down my cheek.

"I'll just be in the next room." John said, trying to get me to calm down.

"Can you at least stay until I fall asleep?" I asked, trying to convince John to stay.

He sighed and nodded, sitting on the edge of the bed next to me, wrapping a protective arm around my back as I laid my head on his chest and wrapped my arms around his torso. I took a calming breath and closed my eyes.

I felt John's thumb brush a tear away from my cheek as he cradled my head closer to him. I closed my eyes, and fell asleep.

* * *

John Sheppard was worried about his daughter. This is the third night in a row that she's had a nightmare.

While he knew that transitioning to Atlantis wasn't easy to begin with, he knew that Izzy had it harder than most of the other people did.

She lost her Mom, her friends, and left Earth to come live with her Dad in another galaxy when she thought he had abandoned them years ago, when in actuality he was completely unaware of her existence.

She had also been kidnapped by Michael just a couple weeks prior, and even though she wouldn't admit it out loud, it had been very traumatizing for her.

He knew this because of the few subtle hints that she had been giving.

Like, her increased hours in the gym working out, along with her increased intensity when sparring.

It reminded him of when Teyla was mad or upset about something and would mercilessly smack and throw him around like a doll. If Izzy were more advanced in her sparring than she currently was, he had no doubt that she would be doing the same thing to him.

There was no mistaking the dark circles under her eyes, either. She wasn't eating as much as she should have been, and she woke up from nightmares most nights.

John tried to convince her to go talk to Dr. Heightmeyer, but she was very adamantly against that, claiming that the moment she did would be "the moment she admitted there was something wrong with her."

John tried explaining to Izzy that there's nothing wrong with talking to a psychologist about what was going on, and that it may in fact help her. But still, Izzy refused.

* * *

True to his word, John stayed with me until I fell asleep. Actually, he ended up falling asleep on my bed, so when I woke up the next morning, he was still there.

One of my favorite places was in my Dad's arms. Experiencing that kind of fatherly love was something that was really new to me, because I never had a Dad, or even a father figure for most of my childhood.

It's a feeling that's even difficult for me to explain. It always fills me with warmth on the inside, and gives me a sense of perfect love and security. Even though it took me a little while to get past the bitterness I was feeling towards John, it's easy for me to admit that I view him as my father, but ultimately… my protector.

He protects my emotions, always helping me back to "equilibrium" when I'm angry or upset.

He protects me physically… like when he rescued me from Michael, and by teaching me how to protect myself, so that even when he's not there, I'll know how to defend myself.

He protects me from the demons that plague my dreams at night. If it wasn't for him, I don't even know how I would be able to calm down some nights.

My Dad knows that I have been talking to Major Lorne some. He was the first friend that I made from Atlantis, since he was with me on the long trip from Earth to Atlantis.

Even though I trust my Dad, there are just some things that you can't talk to your father about.

Like… you can't exactly talk to your Dad when he's the one you're fighting with. And even though that has only happened twice, I still needed someone to talk to that wasn't directly involved in the situation.

I tried talking to Teyla the first time, but she almost always took John's side, claiming that he had my best interests in mind and always tried to make me see his side.

Which… even though I understand what she's doing, it's still kind of annoying in the heat of the moment.

So that's why I go to Major Lorne. He listens to me, sympathizes with me, and usually finishes off with a story about the fights he got into with his parents, which always cheers me up in the end.

* * *

A couple weeks later, the entire base was ordered to take a personal day; something that Dr. Heightmeyer had recommended.

I spent the day sleeping in until 11 like any other normal teenager would do when given a free day. John doesn't let me sleep in other days, saying that I need to be disciplined in getting up and working out in the morning.

So, that has become my normal routine. Get up whenever John wakes me up, go get some breakfast with him, and workout for a couple of hours. The rest of my day goes from there and depends on what John's team has planned for the day.

Since this day was a mandated personal day, John didn't really care what I did.

He didn't care that I slept in until almost lunchtime.

…or that I didn't even go to the gym for a morning workout.

On this particular "mandated rest day", I was watching Ronan beating the crap out of John, which was kind of painful to observe.

Ronan claimed that it was a game that they played on his home world, but in my humble opinion, it seemed as if he was making it up as they went along.

John was getting sick of getting beat to the ground, so he took Ronan to our quarters and we kicked back, looked at magazines, and listened to some tunes.

I wasn't really listening to what they were saying, because it seemed like they were having "bro time" and didn't get to just sit back and talk very often.

Before I knew it, a distant explosion sounded and the ground shook beneath our feet.

I looked to John to try to decipher what happened based on his facial expression, but I couldn't read his emotions.

John set his magazine down and followed Ronan towards the door. I started to follow them but John stopped me, placing his hands on my shoulders.

"Stay here and keep your radio on."

"But…" I started to protest.

"Stay here." John repeated, a little more firmly this time. He kissed my forehead and rushed out the door behind Ronan.

I went into my room, locking my bedroom door behind me and put my radio in my ear. I was alone, scared, and confused, and wanted more than anything for my Dad to come back.

But somehow I get the feeling that he's going to be gone for a few hours at least.

I was listening in on my radio, but that stressed me out so I took it out and sat against the wall on my balcony, staring at the ocean.

I don't know how much time passed before I felt another explosion rock the city, this time a little closer than the last one.

I wondered if everyone was all right… if my Dad was okay. I worried about him constantly anyways, and knowing that there were explosions made me worry even more.

I was also concerned for my safety, of course.

Were we under attack?

Was the next explosion going to be here?

What's going on?

Why is this happening?

A couple more hours passed and I started to worry that my Dad didn't make it, even though I've always viewed him as a type of super hero… in that he's invincible and could never die. Just when I started to verge on a near panic-attack, John walked into our quarters. I could instantly tell that something horrible had happened.

I know him well enough by now to know how to read his facial expressions… most of the time. Right now, I could tell that he's trying hard to figure out exactly how he's going to explain what happened to me, his fourteen-year-old daughter.

He usually sports a stoic mask and tries hard to hide his true emotions by showing a sometimes "fake confidence" because of his leadership position.

Like I said before, when a leader starts freaking out… it's only a matter of time before everyone else starts freaking out as well.

"What's going on?" I asked, panicking slightly.

"There were two explosions." John started, motioning for me to sit with him on the couch in our room.

"Well duh, I could hear and feel them. But what _was _it?" I asked, my panic still not going away even though my Dad was there with me.

"Dr. Hewston had an explosive tumor… some sort of weapon that the Ancients created." my Dad explained carefully. I could tell that he was trying to not scare me.

"But… I heard two explosions." I said, trying to process this information. The thing that confused me the most is why the Ancients would create an explosive tumor. Weren't humans their friends… allies?

"That's the other thing," he said. "Carson didn't make it." John said, faltering slightly.

I stared at my Dad for a few seconds in complete shock. I knew that he was trying to break the news to me gently, but it still wasn't working.

I pulled away from John and ran to my room, locking the door behind me. I knew that it would only slow him down though, because he knew how to "unlock" one of the Ancient's doors after spending so much time with Dr. Mckay.

I'm not really sure why I did, but I ran into my closet and closed the doors, hugging my knees to my chest and sobbing, the news sinking in immediately.

You see… I'm the kind of person who gets attached to people rather easily… I've never really had many friends, so the ones that I've had are very special to me.

Carson always made my day just a little bit brighter with his Scottish wit and charm…

…plus, with my numerous injuries from learning how to "Bantos" fight, also known as sparring, Carson and I have spent a lot of time together. I had come to think of him, along with most other people my Dad is close to on Atlantis, as family.

I heard my Dad come in about a minute later after successfully opening the door.

"Izzy?" he asked softly. I could tell that I threw him off a little bit, since I was hiding.

He approached the closet, slid open the doors, and crouched down in front of me.

"Izzy?" he repeated, even more gently than I thought possible.

I looked at him with tear-stained eyes and puffy, red cheeks from crying. I crawled somewhat pathetically into his waiting arms, even though I ran away from him at first.

He spent the next few hours calming me, even though I could tell that he wasn't completely comfortable with the physical role of fatherhood yet.

The list of things that I have nightmares and bad dreams about kept growing.

This particular night I had a nightmare that everyone around me was blowing up.

At the end of my dream, John came in to my room and told me that Carson died… and then he blew up, too.

I had fallen asleep on my Dad's chest with my feet tucked under me. He was looking through one of his many golf magazines, trying to get his mind off the events of the day.

I was still in his room when I woke up. I know that my Dad wasn't ready to have me out of his sight; at least… not yet. Even though everyone was okay then, physically speaking anyways, I think my Dad's paternal instincts were taking over.

When I sat up, gasping for air, John set his magazine down and started rubbing my back. I felt as if my lungs were being squeezed between two very large, strong hands.

Once I was able to breath properly again, I started to think about how my life had changed.

I came to the realization that this was my new life.

Death.

Pain.

Suffering.

Trials.

Well, that's what it seemed like it was anyways. Everyday, it seemed as if it was a new enemy, a new trial, a new challenge…

But then I realized that there's so much more to my life than that.

I have a father to call my own.

New skills.

New discoveries.

New friends.

New challenges… but the kind of challenge where you learned something new, not the kind that tears you apart and beats you to the ground. Like what Helen Keller said in "The Open Door",

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all."

That's what my life has become: a daring adventure.

And even though there's pain, loss, grief, sorrow, trials, and struggles, it doesn't mean that my life is a bad one.

With Carson's death, I've realized that life is short. There's no telling when my last day might be, so I guess I better start appreciating the things I have before it's too late.

* * *

**A/N: Again, my sincere apologies! With my apologies comes no promise that I'll do better, but I'll certainly try! Hope you enjoyed. **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: As you may have noticed, I'm just taking random episodes that I enjoy and incorporating them in the story. Pretend that the order I present the episodes in is the correct order. **

**Also, I realize that I use "John" and "John" interchangeably. Izzy calls John "John" when she's hurting, or tired… or really wants to get his attention. She calls him "John" the other times. **

**If this doesn't make sense, just go with it. **** It makes sense to my friend who has recently been adopted by her birth father…**

**Disclaimer: same as always. Busy schedule. I don't own anything. Blah. Blah. Blah.**

* * *

Chapter 7

Sparring.

Sparring.

And more sparring.

It seems as if this is all I've done in the past two weeks of my life.

John was gone for a couple weeks while they took Dr. Beckett's body back to Earth, and I was unfortunately left behind. John said that he would take me the next time we were able to go home, but not this time since they were only going to Scotland to tell Carson's family that he died, hold a funeral, and travel back on the Daedalus.

So this is my life: eat, sleep, spar, repeat.

I can't wait for everyone to get back later today. I'm bored out of my mind.

* * *

"John!" I shouted as jumped on him after he arrived back from Earth.

"Hey, kiddo. Someone didn't miss me at all." he said, noticing my enthusiastic response to his return.

"I didn't miss you," I retorted, sticking my tongue out at him, "I've just been bored."

"Uh huh, sure." John said, slinging his free arm around my shoulder as he gave me a kiss on the top of my head. "I missed you, too."

I smiled at him as he gave me his famous smirk that has become my favorite smile of his most of the time.

Unless I was in trouble or was caught doing something I probably shouldn't be doing… then it just made me feel embarrassed.

I then noticed someone that I hadn't seen before walking with Major Lorne and a couple other people from his team. He couldn't have been older than eighteen or nineteen… and he was definitely the most attractive guy I've seen in a really long time.

You know when you see someone really attractive, and it seems like you're the only two people in the room? And then he looks at you and smiles, and your insides instantly do a flip-flop while getting a warm "butter sliding on hot toast" feeling in your chest?

….well that's what just happened.

And I'm pretty sure I just turned fifty shades of pink.

John, as observant as ever, took notice of this and practically laughed in my face.

"That's Lieutenant Landon Mitchell. He's Colonel Mitchell from Stargate Command's cousin." he said, leaning close to my ear and lowering his voice slightly so as to not embarrass me further.

_Stop staring, stop staring, stop staring…. _I repeated over and over in my head as I tried to rip my eyes from Landon's beautiful face.

"Want me to introduce you?" John asked, deciding to have a little fun with my predicament. I couldn't tell if he was being serious or not.

"What?! No!" I whisper-shrieked at him.

…cue beat-red, embarrassed cheeks and a strong desire to crawl into a hole and never come out.

"How old is he anyways?" I inquired after a few seconds, finally regaining my bearings.

"Eighteen, I think. He'll be 'shadowing' Major Lorne's team for a while before he's allowed to 'officially' join a team. It's a new program that Stargate Command has been designing in the past couple of years." John explained. It surprised me that they let someone so young come on base…

…and then I mentally slapped my forehead, because I'm a lot younger than he is, and they let me come.

I'm such an idiot sometimes.

* * *

"Eyes straight ahead. Focus on me. Never **ever **look away from your enemy. It shows weakness. Are you weak?" Ronon said as he was attempting to give Rodney some self-defense lessons… or something.

"Uhhh… no?" Rodney replied as more of a statement, but definitely was said like a question. He was wearing this white karate uniform with foam padding around his stomach. He looked ridiculous, and I wonder why he was even wearing the karate costume at all.

The foam padding I completely understand since he was fighting against someone who was infinitely stronger and more skilled than he. I probably should have done the same thing when I fought Ronon, but the thought didn't even occur to me at the time.

Rodney's forehead was starting to sweat a bit, and he was clearly terrified (obviously…. It's Ronon). I was even a little scared for him.

"Good. Are you ready?" Ronon asked.

"Uhhhh…" Rodney said again.

Ronon let out a yell, raised his stick above his head, and then lowered it and smacked Rodney on his padding. At least Ronon was kind enough to do that.

I was sitting on the window seat, silently observing up until this point when I couldn't decide for a split second if I should feel Rodney's pain for him or laugh in his face.

Laughing won, and I was giggling mercilessly at Rodney. I don't think he's ever going to learn how to fight properly, or forgive me for my unsympathetic response.

Rodney looked up from where he was hunched over in pain and glared at me, which only increased my laughter.

"Mckay, what did I say? Don't take your eyes off of me! You've got to anticipate the next move." Ronon said. "You all right?" he asked after a few seconds.

Rodney coughed and was clearly in pain, but I didn't really care, and neither did Ronon.

"Well I'll try to ease up so I don't hurt you." Ronon told him, patting him on the back as he resumed his earlier position facing Rodney. "You're getting better."

"Really?" Rodney asked.

"No." Ronon said, with only mild hesitation. I can attest for Ronon. Rodney wasn't getting better.

Dr. Weir and John came in the room then. Dr. Weir crossed her arms like she always did when she had something important to say (or so it seemed) and John leaned against the doorframe, putting one hand on his waist.

"So how are the ninja lessons going, Jet Li?" John asked as Rodney stared at Ronon, making sure to not lose eye contact so Ronon couldn't hit him again.

"What you do you want?" Rodney asked, somewhat out of breath.

"We lost contact with the Taranians…" Dr. Weir said. I kind of zoned out after that, because I didn't know who the Ter-whomevers were, nor did I care. I vaguely heard Dr. Weir say something about "going to check it out" and Rodney saying, "what?!" incredulously, taking his eyes off Ronon… at which point Ronon took the opportunity to hit Rodney with his wooden sword… again.

I cringed, John cringed, Dr. Weir cringed, and Rodney gave a pathetic little cough and said, "eyes" to Ronon, while trying to breath after getting the wind knocked out of him.

"Eyes… yes." Ronon replied,

"May want to change first." John said as he tilted his chin towards me, motioning for me to follow them as they left.

"When are you leaving?" I asked.

"As soon as we can get our stuff together and go." John replied. I could tell that his mind was otherwise occupied, and maybe even a little concerned for these people.

"You're gonna find out what happened… right?" I wondered.

"Hope so." John said as he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

* * *

While my John and the rest of his team were gone, I took the opportunity to do some exploring in the city… in the cleared areas, that is.

I hadn't really gotten a chance to explore much, mostly because I've been too nervous to with everything being so new and unfamiliar and all, but right now I just didn't care, and I think I've gotten comfortable enough with my new surroundings in the past few months.

I decided to just "get my feet wet" with exploring and explore more of the central area of the city. I've been to the mess hall (obviously), but other than that I've just walked through the halls.

I guess it depends on who you ask, but I didn't really find anything interesting at first.

I found the archives, which is basically an equivalence to an attic in a house; where all the "non-essential" items are stored in a location that's out of the way, but still easily accessible in case you need to "pull something from the dust" later.

Dr. Heightmeyer's office is also located in the central area of the city, so I made it a mental note to avoid that area. No doubt John has informed her of my nightmares and trouble adjusting to Atlantis and such, so I feel as if it's only a matter of time before she corners me and then interrogates me about my mental status…

…that's how it played out in my mind anyways.

The control chair is there, too. Now, unlike most teenagers my age, I usually don't enjoy rebelling, because then I get into trouble, which _sucks._

You see, rebelling is only a temporary rush of joy and satisfaction, because the consequences are _never… _or _hardly ever _worth the pain of punishment.

Because I never get away with anything…

Because I always get caught…

Because I'm a horrible liar…

And have an extremely sensitive conscience…

After Carson died, John told me the story of when he almost killed him and General O'Neill by inadvertently firing a drone at them while they were flying in a helicopter, headed to the base on Antarctica.

While John was upset about it for a while, I think that it has become an _almost_ fond memory of his… something that he can laugh about now that a couple years have passed and everything is okay, in that no one was hurt or died from it.

And because I haven't had the mental training to control the chair, I didn't want to sit in it to see what happened… especially when no one was around to supervise or fix any mistakes that I might make.

I mean, what if I accidentally take Atlantis into outer space or something? This city is technically a giant spaceship after all… couldn't it happen?

What if I fire a drone and end up shooting some other part of the city? The mainland? That could and probably would kill someone!

What if it has the capacity to do something else… like vent all the oxygen from Atlantis and everyone suffocates?

I know that sounds ridiculous, and even a little outlandish, but it's a very real fear of mine.

See how sensitive my conscience is?

One thing I did find that I got really excited about was a fancy library of sorts. It had all sorts of books, from fiction to non-fiction, autobiographies, science books, history books, books… books… books…

It looked much like a library on Earth would, with couches and chairs to sit on in the quiet solitude and read, with the books divided into categories and shelved accordingly. This library is just…. Atlantis edition.

Oh what an exciting discovery.

Before I moved here, I used to read all the time. I read books of all kinds: mystery, adventure, sci-fi, fantasy, thriller, action, autobiographies, history, psychology, inspirational…

…well I think you get the picture. I enjoyed learning, and the main way I did that was by reading. Therefore, I enjoyed reading very much.

I'm not sure how long I spent in the library, but after what was probably a few hours, I left to go find someone... anyone. I accidentally left my radio on my nightstand, so I was beginning to wonder if people were looking for me.

I wandered back to the control room, when we had an incoming wormhole.

"Colonel Sheppard's IDC." Chuck said to Dr. Weir as she smiled and rushed down the stairs towards the gate.

Huh. That was weird.

Not only did I go completely unnoticed, but Dr. Weir seemed a little too excited that they were dialing in.

Did something go wrong on the mission?

Is anyone hurt?

Is everything okay?

I went and stood next to Chuck until the wormhole disengaged, per John's instructions, and waited until they were all through before I went and stood at the bottom of the stairs. My first reaction was that everyone seemed okay, physically at least, with the exception of Mckay who had a big piece of gauze on the side of his face. Knowing him, it was probably just a scratch.

"You all right? Where are the Marines?" Dr. Weir asked, walking forward to stand in front of them.

"Didn't make it." John stated.

"What?!" Elizabeth asked, confused and concerned. I stayed where I was near the bottom of the stairs; close enough so that I could see and hear what was happening, but not so close that I was an intrusion.

"We barely made it ourselves" Rodney said. "We had to come here on a Wraith dart just to dial out."

"Ditched it on another planet. Didn't want to risk damaging the control room. Daedalus can pick it up later." John said. I could tell he was exhausted, physically and emotionally from whatever happened out there. He was probably too tired that he didn't even bother trying to hide his emotions from us. I mean… he wasn't even talking in complete sentences.

"What happened to the Taranians?" Dr. Weir asked, looking at all of their faces, probably trying to figure out what happened based on their emotions.

"They're dead. All of them." Ronon stated as he turned and walked away, hardly glancing at me as he walked by.

I stopped listening for a few seconds, pondering what had just happened, but I heard John mention that Michael was involved, which instantly brought back the emotions that I had felt in the aftermath of my kidnapping.

"What did he do?" I asked, walking towards John quickly.

I don't think he noticed me standing behind him, because his initial reaction was that of surprise, which means that he probably didn't want me to know that Michael was somehow involved with all of this.

"We'll discuss it later." John said. "I have to go take care of some things."

And with that he walked away with the rest of the team. Teyla at least spared me a small smile, which made me feel a little better, but hardly.

I don't really know what happened out there, but I'm not really looking forward to finding out.

* * *

**A/N: Aren't you impressed? Less than a week! Also, bonus points if you can guess the movie reference in this chapter!**

**Forgive any grammar/tense/stupid errors… this chapter was mostly written in the midst of sleep deprivation.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: It's been a while! Sorry I didn't post… but I was busy all summer. I'm back at school now, and I don't have classes Tuesdays or Thursdays so I definitely have more time to post new chapters. So sorry about the long wait!**

**Disclaimer: the usual. I won't bore you with my woes/worries.**

* * *

Chapter 8

There are many things that John Sheppard knew how to do.

He could fly almost anything: planes, helicopters, Wraith darts, jumpers…

He could shoot any target.

He was skilled in hand-to-hand combat, and much stronger than one would think.

He was extremely smart: almost a genius. He passed the Mensa test, after all.

…and that just barely scratches the surface when it comes to John Sheppard.

One thing that he was completely unknowledgeable of is taking care of a sick child.

John and Izzy always had breakfast together. When 9am rolled around and Izzy had yet to show for breakfast, his parental instincts went all tingly and he started to get worried.

"Sheppard to Lorne." John said over the walkie.

"This is Lorne."

"I'm gonna need the rest of the day off. I have to go check on something."

"Everything all right, sir?" Lorne asked sounding mildly concerned.

"That's what I'm going to go find out." John said, heading in the direction of their quarters.

He paused outside of Izzy's door and waved his hand over the control panel. He walked over and sat on the edge of her bed quietly, not wanting to wake her if she was still asleep. John slowly peeled the covers away from her face so he could get a better look at her. He could tell right away that she was far from healthy, even in her restless slumber.

John stroked her hair, trying to wake her gently so he could figure out what was wrong with her.

Even though he knew she would probably be fine, the parent in him was freaking out. Not only did he not know how to take care of a sick child, he didn't even know how to properly diagnose her.

Izzy started to stir as she slowly woke up. John smiled down at her as her eyes came into focus with his.

"Hi." she nearly croaked as she gave him a weak smile. "I missed breakfast."

"I noticed." John said, smirking.

"I'm not feeling pretty good." She said. John's hand moved from her hair to her forehead, checking for any traces of a fever.

"You're a bit warm. Want me to have Dr. Keller come check you out?" John asked, resuming the soothing stroking of her hair.

She merely nodded as she closed her eyes, and most likely fell back asleep almost immediately.

"Sheppard to Keller." John said, tapping his earpiece.

"Go ahead, Colonel."

"Do you think you could make a house call? Izzy isn't feeling well."

"Sure, I'll be right there."

John sat on a chair close to the bed as he waited for Keller to come check on Izzy, who was currently snoring quietly in her sleep.

Keller chimed the door and John went over and waved his hand over the panel, letting her in the room. Keller immediately went into doctor mode as she knelt next to Izzy's bed, peeling the blankets from her face just like John had done a few minutes prior, gently shaking her shoulder to rouse her from sleep.

Almost on cue, Izzy placed her hand over her mouth and stumbled into her bathroom and proceeded to vomit into the toilet. Keller was behind her in an instant, gathering up her hair with one sweep of her hand and rubbing her back soothingly with the other one. John went and got a glass of water and paper towels and returned, handing them to Keller wordlessly.

They moved her back to bed where Keller did a few more tests… checking her temperature and other symptoms. She diagnosed her with a case of the flu and after giving instructions to John to keep her hydrated and to make sure she got plenty of rest, she left.

John ran a weary hand over his face. It had probably only been 25 minutes since he discovered that Izzy wasn't feeling the greatest, but he was almost as exhausted as he was after his off-world missions that lasted for a couple hours.

Izzy had fallen back asleep so John took the opportunity to plop down on his own bed and do the same.

He woke up when he heard Izzy stumble to the bathroom again. This was going to be a long couple of days.

* * *

Three weeks had come and gone, and I had finally regained enough strength from being temporarily incapacitated to resume my normal schedule of "schooling," where I would learn various things about history, math, Ancient technology, philosophy, and basically anything and everything else you could possibly think of.

Also, note to self. If you don't want your father to have a mini freak-out, don't walk into your apartment, and try to sneak past him all the while blood is running down your forehead and you're sporting a swollen eye to match.

"What the hell happened?" John said, standing up and walking swiftly to Izzy's side, concern written all over his face.

Dang it. I was trying to sneak past him, but sometimes I forget that he notices everything. John gently grabbed my arm and turned me so that I was facing him. Even though I knew it wouldn't work, I ducked my head so that he couldn't see my whole face.

"Look at me." John said gently but firmly so that there was no room for argument.

I did so, hesitating slightly, and as soon as John got a good look at my face, I could see worry, concern, and anger flash over his face.

"Who did this to you?" he asked, his eyes dark with the realization that someone got a couple good hits in on me.

"I'm fine." I insisted. And I really was. I was sparring with Landon today, thinking that I would have the upper hand since he was a newbie here on Atlantis, but little did I know that he had nine years of martial arts before joining the military. I told him to not go easy on me, and he tried insisting on it, but eventually gave in. We hadn't been fighting for more than thirty seconds before he got in a lucky shot and hit me in the face with such force that I spun 180 degrees and hit my head off the corner of the wall, cracking it open.

In Landon's defense though, he thought I would block it and didn't know that he was hitting so hard to have that big of an adverse effect on me. It was also kind of funny how much he reacted to me crumpling to the ground. I thought he was going to cry because of how worried he was that he just (unintentionally) beat up the military commander of Atlantis' daughter.

Landon tried insisting on going with me to the infirmary, but I was very adamantly against it. First of all, I already promised John and Dr. Keller that I would stay out of trouble and injury free since it seemed to be a reoccurring issue. A few weeks ago when I had another sparring injury and was in the infirmary, Dr. Keller jokingly told John that he needed to watch his blood pressure. John was starting to think that it might not be such a bad idea.

"No you're not." John stated. "You look like crap. Tell me. What. Happened." He said forcefully.

I sighed and told him what happened with Landon. He maintained a very stoic face throughout the story, so I couldn't tell what was going through his mind or what he was feeling at the moment.

When I was done telling him what happened, he sighed and disappeared for a minute, reemerging with a folded, damp hand towel and began the process of wiping the blood from the cut on my forehead that had begun to run down my face and was dangerously close to staining one of my favorite shirts.

He was very gentle with his movements, but I could feel the tension in his hands as he was undoubtedly trying to figure out how to deal with the situation. I could tell by the veins showing in his neck that he was _pissed _and was trying hard not to lose control of his emotions and go beat Landon to a bloody pulp.

"You need stitches." John stated as he examined my wound, "And I wouldn't be surprised if you had a concussion, too."

I was worried about what John was going to do to Landon. One thing I know about John is that he's fiercely protective of those he cares about as it is, but even more so with his own flesh and blood (that would be me). He's not about to just let this one go.

"Keep pressure on it." John said as he handed me the towel, taking my other hand in his and leading me towards the infirmary.

Landon was in the infirmary when we got there. He took one look at John and me and noticeably paled as he gripped the sheets on the infirmary bed he was sitting on.

"Why are you here?" I asked as I tightened my grip on John's hand, restraining him from putting a bruise on Landon's face, resembling the one I'm currently sporting.

"Needed to get a physical for Dr. Keller's records." He said, his voice cracking slightly.

"What happened?" Dr. Keller asked, directing me to an infirmary bed.

"Sparring accident." I said, lying down so that she could have a look at my forehead.

"Landon." John stated. I must have noticeably tensed because Dr. Keller looked from John, to Landon, to John and Landon again, and finally to me. I guess she decided that it was best to drop it because she didn't say anything. I could tell that she was upset about my injuries and was trying hard to not interrogate me about what happened, to which I was grateful.

"Mind if we have a word?" John said as a statement rather than a request, walking out of the infirmary.

I couldn't hear what was going on, but after thirty seconds or so I could hear John yelling through the door.

"So are you going to tell me what actually happened?" Dr. Keller asked somewhat forcefully, pausing her stitching to look me in the eyes. No doubt she heard John yelling, too.

You see, Jennifer is pretty protective of me, too... coming to a close third after John and Major Lorne. I really got to know her after spending so much time in the infirmary and she is what I imagine an older sister to be: kind, loyal, protective, understanding... and all of this without judging me or making me feel guilty.

"I was sparring with Landon. He got in a lucky shot and I fell, hitting my head on the corner of the wall on my way down." I said.

"Which would explain why your father isn't too happy right now." Jennifer said.

"Yup, pretty much." I replied, sighing.

John came in a few minutes later, looking pretty upset. He sat next to me while Jennifer finished stitching my head and didn't say anything, but I could tell that he was not only angry, but that he probably had some form of punishment lined up for Landon. What that is, I don't know.

"All done." Dr. Keller said. I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed towards my father and stood up, suddenly feeling very dizzy. I started to fall and was expecting to crash on to the hard floor, but fell into someone's chest and was caught by strong arms instead.

John steadied me and then lifted me up and set me back on the bed in one smooth motion as if I weighed nothing at all, his anger dissipating completely as concern took over.

"I'm fine." I insisted as pinched the bridge of my nose.

"No you're not." John insisted.

"Okay, so I'm not fine." I retorted. "But I didn't want you to worry."

"Not worry?" John asked incredulously. "How do you expect me to not worry when my daughter comes into the room with blood running down her face and a swollen eye to match? I already worry about you enough as it is." He said softly, covering my smaller hand with his larger one, giving it a slight squeeze. "The last thing I need is for you to be doing things that could get you hurt."

"I'm sorry." I whispered as my tears were dangerously close to spilling over. John nodded and patted my hand, which I took as him accepting my apology.

I sat up, and with the help of my father, stood up slowly and closed my eyes as black dots danced in my vision.

"You okay?" John asked, more softly than I even thought possible. I nodded and opened my eyes, grabbing his hand so that I wouldn't fall flat on my face.

Dr. Keller gave me some painkillers with strict orders to rest for the next few days and to not do anything to risk popping one of my six stitches. John then escorted me back to our room.

"What did you say to Landon?" I asked once I had settled comfortably into a t-shirt and sweatpants and wrapped up in a blanket on John's couch in his bedroom. John had just gotten back from his office where he grabbed his laptop so he could do his work in our room instead.

"That, in the future, whatever he did to you I would do to him." John said, not glancing up from his work.

"You didn't." I said with a groan.

"I did." John stated as if I dared to question him.

"Why? It was only an accident." I said.

"Because, whether you want to admit it or not, Landon is almost a foot taller, probably 75 pounds heavier, and much stronger than you are. I told him the same thing I told Ronon when you got into a fight with him. I reminded him that you are my daughter and my job is to protect you, which includes from the people that work for me. So, whether you like it or not, they have to go easy on you or you will get hurt." John responded.

"But…" I started to argue.

"Don't." John stated softly but firmly, daring me to continue.

I thought better of it and kept my mouth shut, but I was not happy about it. I felt bad for Landon, especially since I was the one that told him to not go easy on me, and now he's taking the fall for it.

I must have looked guilty because John put his stuff down and came and sat next to me on the couch and pulled me into a hug, holding me to his chest.

"You don't have to try to be so strong all the time." John murmured, and it was like a wave of comfort washed over me.

"I have to be for you." I said through a few tears that were slipping down my face.

"Why?" John questioned, pulling me away from him so he could look me in the eyes.

"Because I don't want you to worry about me so much that you get distracted on your missions and get hurt… or something worse." I whispered, exposing my biggest fear to him, finally letting him in.

He pulled me back to his strong chest and I felt so much relief after finally telling John what has been plaguing me since I really became attached to him.

"I worry more when you put on an act, pretending that nothing is wrong." John said, rubbing my back. "I would much rather you tell me what's going on so I can know how to help you better." When that didn't seem to comfort me much, he spoke up again.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here." He comforted. John had gotten much better at expressing emotions in the past few weeks than he was when I first got here.

After a few minutes I had really calmed when I found his heartbeat under my ear. I nodded in understanding as I slowly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**A/N: So what did you think? Like? Dislike? Leave a review! Also, check out my blog at www . dearfuturehus . blogspot . com (no spaces). Thanks!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: As promised, here's the next chapter. This chapter is based off the episode "Common Ground." Again… not in the order it should be in. You'll get over it. **** Replace Dr. Beckett with Dr. Keller and we'll be golden.**

**Remember I updated Chapter 8. I accidentally had Dr. Beckett in there when he had died a couple chapters ago. I fixed that and changed everything so it was Dr. Keller instead... I don't really know what I was thinking. **

**Disclaimers: it's angsty… very angsty.**

* * *

Chapter 9

"Landon!" I yelled as I jogged to catch up with him.

"Izzy." he said with a smile when I finally caught up. "How's your face?" he asked, studying my injuries. It had been a week since my sparring accident, so my injuries were mostly healed at this point.

"Oh you know, it's whatever." I said. "John still isn't too happy about it."

Landon didn't say anything, but I could tell he was still nervous. I think he's still convinced that John is going to come beat him up in his sleep or something, which isn't as far-fetched of a fear as one might think.

John and his team were currently off world doing… something. John told me last night where he was going and what they were doing, but I was so tired to the point where my mind couldn't even comprehend half of what he was talking about. And, the half that I did hear, I don't even remember.

When I realized that they left six hours ago, I started to get worried.

Landon must have noticed this, because he paused in the hallway to look at me with concern.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked softly. "You aren't mad at me for hitting you, are you?"

"Huh?" I said, not realizing what he said for a moment. "Oh. No, it's not that. It's just that John and his team aren't back yet. He told me this morning they were only going to be gone for a couple of hours at most and it's been six."

"I'm sure they're okay." he consoled after a moment.

I nodded and thought for a few moments as we starting walking again.

"I think I'm going to go up to the control room and see if they know anything. You can come if you want." Landon looked at his watch, said "sure", and started walking with me in that direction.

I wish they had given me some sort of warning before I got there, because I walked into the gate room right as there was an incoming wormhole. The security team had their guns trained on the Stargate, which was unusual because it meant that they either didn't trust who was coming through or they didn't know. I paused in the doorway, startled, when Landon put a protective arm in front of me, sliding me behind him as we waited to see what was going on.

It was then that I noticed Ronon, Teyla, and Dr. Mckay standing in front of the gate… but no John. I started to panic.

I looked around the room… no John.

I looked towards the control room… no John.

Down the hallways, up the stairs, in Dr. Weir's office… still no John.

I was on the verge of having a panic attack. My palms were sweaty, my heart rate increased, my blood pressure increased, and I was starting to feel a little woozy.

Landon put an arm around my shoulders as he noticed my panicked state. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to.

It was then that a few soldiers from another planet walked through the gate. Dr. Weir acknowledged the man at the front as a man named Ladon Radim. Ronon walked up and stood in front of him fiercely, staring him down as he menacingly asked, "What have you done with Sheppard?"

John is missing? What happened to him?

I vaguely heard Dr. Weir reprimand Ronon, but I'm not sure what she said. My mind was whirling and I couldn't focus. It's a good thing Landon was standing next to me to catch me, because the next thing I knew, I was falling towards the ground.

* * *

Of course, I would wake up after being passed out from the obnoxious nose of an incoming wormhole. I got up and after blinking a few times to clear my vision, I half ran, half stumbled to the control room, ignoring the medical personnel and Landon who had crowded around me, my sudden need to be up there so I could know what was going on taking over.

"Izzy!" Landon shouted as he ran after me.

"IDC?" Dr. Weir asked.

"No, but we're receiving an analog video signal." replied Dr. Mckay.

"Izzy, you shouldn't be here." Teyla said quietly, walking to stand by me when she noticed me come in.

I adamantly shook my head "no", insisting on being in the room for the time being.

"I'm not leaving until John gets back." I said stubbornly. Teyla glanced at Landon who had come to stand by my side and nodded at us in understanding. I gathered with them in front of the TV monitor.

A large man with dents on his face from having really bad acne in his teen years appeared on screen, asking for Dr. Weir to respond. I didn't know who this man was, but I could tell based on everyone's body language that he was an enemy to everyone here.

After a few seconds, she responded. I heard this man, Kolya, say that he wanted to be sure she saw "this"…

What "this" was: John, tied to a chair and gagged. I gasped and put my hands over my mouth, tears spilling over immediately. Landon wrapped his arms around me and I leaned into him, trying to get some sort of comfort. I could feel myself shivering uncontrollably as if the room had suddenly dropped twenty degrees.

"What have you done to him?" Rodney asked, sounding very concerned.

"Absolutely nothing, Mckay."

"Okay let me rephrase that." Rodney said annoyingly. "What are you planning on doing to him?"

My fear and anxiety increased with each second that passed. Kolya wanted to make a trade: John for Ladon. I looked at Dr. Weir who looked unsure of how to respond, so she asked him to give her time to consider the proposition.

Kolya said something along the lines of helping her make her decision go faster, and I watched as the camera panned to a few men dragging in a monster.

"Oh my god." Dr. Weir said.

If it wasn't for Landon's constant presence, I would be in absolute hysterics right now. I was still shaking, I was freezing cold but sweating, I was dizzy yet again, and I couldn't seem to catch my breath... but I hadn't passed out again, so I guess that's a minor improvement.

"Don't do this Kolya, he doesn't deserve this." Dr. Weir said. I didn't like how worried she sounded. She's always so composed.

"It's up to you, Dr. Weir. Do we have a deal?"

When she didn't respond, Kolya nodded to the person who was restraining this monster. I didn't know what it was, but my instincts were saying that this was a Wraith. He had greenish skin, white hair, and looked like a man... just like I had been told when I first got here.

"Don't look, Izzy." Landon advised softly as he guided my face away from the screen with a gentle hand into his chest. He may have been able to shield me from what I saw, but he couldn't protect me from what I heard.

I started crying then… it was more than I could bear. I could hear the pleasurable yells from the Wraith as he took the life from my Dad. Dr. Weir's cries of "stop!" snapped me back to reality, and I couldn't bear it. I couldn't do it.

I pulled myself away from Landon's arms and took off in a sprint away from the unfolding scene. I wasn't exactly sure where I was going, but there's no way that I could be there… and there's no way that they were going to let me stay after what just happened.

I vaguely heard Landon yelling for me to stop, but I kept running. I ran into the nearest transporter where I touched a random part on the screen, not caring where it took me as I was just trying to put as much distance between Landon and me as possible, feeling the need to be alone.

I ran out of the transporter to see that I was near where my Dad's office was. I turned a sharp corner and ran head first into someone with such force that we both landed in a heap on the ground.

"Izzy? Are you okay?" I heard a voice ask. I didn't recognize who the voice belonged to immediately, but it sounded familiar so I definitely knew this person. I wasn't exactly in my right mind to understand who it was.

This person must have been a man because before I knew it I was being lifted off the ground effortlessly. My eyes finally came into focus and I looked up to see Major Lorne looking at me with more worry than I've ever seen on him before.

It was then that he really took in my current state: my shaking, my out-of-breath-ness, my sweat, and my tear-stained and flushed cheeks.

"Oh, Izzy." He comforted. "Tell me what happened." He started carrying me to John and his office. He closed the door behind him and sat me next to him on the couch.

"Dad… was kidnapped… by Kolya… and there… was a Wraith… and he… let it feed on him!" I managed to choke out between sobs, automatically moving toward Evan's chest.

I think I may have mentioned this before, and if I didn't then I'll tell you... if I already have, then it's a good reminder. Besides John, Evan is the one on Atlantis that I'm not only closest to, but the one I trust the most also. If John can't be there, then I want Evan to be.

I could feel how tense he was, undoubtedly concerned about this current development.

"Izzy, did you see this happen?" Evan asked gently.

"Most of it." I said only with mild hesitation, my voice hoarse from the amount of tears I had shed. "Kolya… was on the screen… when he showed us." I didn't have to explain what _that_ was; because I knew that Evan would understand what I was talking about.

I cried… a LOT. But Evan didn't seem to mind. I'm sure he was worried about John, too.

After a while, he got up and removed one of John's jackets from the hook by the door. He approached me and wrapped it around me, then sat back down and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

I breathed in the scent of my Dad's jacket. It smelled like him… like the spicy, yet warm cologne that he wore that reminded me of Christmas. I had stopped crying probably ten minutes ago, but neither of us knew what to say, so we said nothing at all.

"Dr. Weir to Major Lorne." I heard over the walkie.

"Go ahead." he said, tapping his earpiece.

"We have a situation. Do you think you can come to the conference room?" she said. I noted how worried and stressed Dr. Weir sounded, even over the walkie.

"I'm with Izzy right now." Evan said in an underlying comment, knowing that Dr. Weir would know why I was there.

"I'll send Landon to take her to the infirmary. We need you here. When Landon gets there, come as quickly as possible."

Landon came a few moments later, his face laced with worry and pity. I felt Evan give me one last squeeze and a kiss on the top of my head.

"I'm sorry, Izzy. But I need to go help them figure out how to get your Dad back. Go with Landon to the infirmary so that the good doc can make sure you're all right." I nodded in understanding and I was passed from Evan to Landon, who helped me off the couch and started walking with me to the infirmary.

"We were really worried about you, you know. We didn't know where you went." Landon said.

"Sorry... I just had to get away." I said, wiping away a few of the tears that were still leaking down my face. Landon didn't say anything, but I could tell that he understood, and even if we wasn't happy about it, he was at least going to accept it.

* * *

Hours passed. I had turned of my walkie long ago, throwing it at the nearest wall in anger, feeling a bit of an emotional release as it shattered and crashed to the ground. I was half-expecting Landon to scold me, but he didn't. Instead he allowed me to express my anger and fear and worry and anxiety… I trusted Landon to relay any information that was crucial for me to know; information like – they got my Dad back.

I had fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion for a few hours and was surprised that Landon was still there when I woke up, sitting in an uncomfortable chair next to my bed.

"Why are you still here?" I asked sleepily.

"Didn't want to leave you alone." he said simply. "Feel any better after sleeping?" he asked.

I nodded and rubbed my eyes, trying to clear my blurred vision.

I barely heard, but I could hear someone call for Landon on the walkie. I watched as his face grew in anticipation as he waited for the person on the other end to finish.

"The rescue team is back." Landon said with a smile on his face, holding out his hand to help me off the bed.

He took my hand and we sprinted towards the jumper bay, ignoring the concerned glances of the people we were running past. Word about my Dad's kidnapping must have gotten around fast.

We got to the jumper bay right as the jumper landed and the back hatch opened. I watched as Ronon, Dr. Beckett, Teyla, Dr. Mckay, and a few marines exited. I was getting this really horrible feeling on the inside that they didn't find him, or worse, that he died and wasn't coming back.

I grew tense and tightened my grip on Landon's hand, when I saw my Dad emerge from the jumper. I started sobbing again, but this time in relief. I let go and full out sprinted to him, jumping into his arms.

"Dad… Dad… Dad…" I remember saying over and over again.

I reluctantly pulled away and looked him over, confusion hitting me as he looked the same, if not younger than he did before the Wraith started feeding on him.

"But… the Wraith…" I stuttered. John looked at me, and I could tell that he was very worried as he realized what I had just not-so-subtly admitted.

"You saw what happened?!" John said, raising his voice in worry, looking at the rest of his team accusingly. "You let her watch?!" he said after a moment.

"She insisted." Teyla said softly, trying to calm him down.

John finally noticed that I was still crying, as my body released all the emotions that I had been experiencing over the past several hours.

"We'll continue this later." John said as a statement directed towards everyone in the room.

"…how?" did I ask, not that I minded terribly that my Dad was back in one piece and that he was _safe. _

"He undid it." John said simply. "Are you okay?" he asked softly with his hands on my arms, ducking slightly to be closer to my eye level so he could look me over to ensure I was okay.

I shook my head and he pulled me into his arms again. Dr. Keller let us have a few moments before she motioned to my Dad that she needed him to go to the infirmary so she could have a look at him.

"Can she come with?" John asked. I didn't want to be away from him, and I could tell that he wanted me close, too.

Keller nodded and smiled sadly in understanding. She patted the stretcher and John pulled away from me temporarily as he began taking off all his gear. When he was only wearing his black t-shirt, the "cool pants", and his sidearm, he took my hand and led me towards the waiting stretcher.

I gave Evan and Landon a small smile as I passed, giving them a silent "thanks" for taking care of me on that horrible day. They both smiled back, everyone glad that John was back… safe and sound.

* * *

"Well, you both seem to be fine, physically speaking. Your blood pressure is a little high, but that's understandable given the situation." Dr. Keller said. "But, I want to keep you here overnight for observation, Colonel... just in case."

John nodded, even though I knew he didn't want to stay.

"Can... can I stay, too?" I asked, a slight tear in my voice still.

"Sure. I'll have them make up a bed for you next to his, if you'd like."

I nodded my head in thanks and looked at my Dad. He scooted over on the small bed and patted the space next to him, small though it was. I got up and clambered on to his bed and curled up next to him.

He held me close and rubbed my back soothingly. "It's been a rough day for you, huh?" he asked gently.

"I was so scared, Daddy." I whispered, my voice cracking.

"I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. I wish more than anything that you didn't." he said soothingly as he pulled me even closer.

"Please don't scare me like that again." I pleaded. John just kissed the top of my head in response.

It was getting late at this point... almost midnight, Atlantis time. They had made up a bed for me, so I pulled away from my Dad and tried to go sleep over there. I laid on my side, facing John who was staring at the ceiling, probably thinking about the events of the past couple of days. I was anxious about being so far away from him, but I wasn't about to admit that out loud.

John looked at me and took in my worried state. "Come here," he said softly. I all but scrambled out of bed and climbed back into the space that I had been occupying just a few minutes earlier. I curled up next to him and put my head on his chest and pressed my legs against his thighs, trying to use his body heat to warm me up.

"You're exhausted." John said gently. "Try to get some sleep now, okay?"

I nodded and closed my eyes, breathing in the smell of my father. The smell that reminds me of warmth, safety, and love... everything that my father is. I focused on that and his heartbeat under my ear, and just prayed that nightmares wouldn't plague me.

* * *

John Sheppard was worried about his daughter. She had started following him everywhere, stopping short of going into the bathroom with him, not that he minded... he liked having her close all the time, but he wanted her to be able to move past the fear of losing him and start branching out on her own.

She had also stopped communicating verbally. She would nod or shake her head if John asked her a "yes/no" question, but beyond that, nothing. She wouldn't even talk to Evan, Landon, or Teyla, no matter how hard any of them tried to get her to.

Dr. Heightmeyer said that she was experiencing an extreme cognitive reaction to John's kidnapping and torture… that she was experiencing a sort of fear of rejection from those around her and was feeling like she was being judged, so rather than allowing people to support her she was shutting them out instead… trying to maintain a stoic façade. In order for her to begin to move on, she would need community, comfort, and acceptance from those that she cares about. But, if she wasn't letting them comfort her, then it made it much more difficult for her to move on.

She did allow John to comfort her. In the past eight nights since he came back, she has slept in the couch in his room, preferring to have him in her line of vision. Her nightmares were the worst where she would wake up screaming and in a cold sweat, her imagination replaying scenes of John's torture from the hands on the Genii and the Wraith. Each time at the end of her nightmare, instead of John returning home to her, he would die... his life being taken away by the Wraith.

Each night it took him between a half hour and an hour to calm her down and coax her back to sleep. More often than not, she would have to be held by John before she would even consider closing her eyes.

John just prayed that they would be able to figure out how to help her soon before she gets worse.

* * *

**A/N: Did you cry? I hope not. I almost did, though. That episode was rough, man. But hey, be proud of me for getting the next chapter done… and so soon!**

**I'll read through this chapter again tomorrow to fix any errors, but I really wanted to reward the great reviews and feedback from the past chapter by posting another one soon. :)**

**P.S. - the more positive reviews I get, the sooner the next chapter will get posted. :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Wow! You guys blew me away with your awesome reviews! Keep 'em coming!**

**Disclaimer: I miss Carson.**

* * *

Chapter 10

Yesterday, Atlantis was given a new Cadet, Billy Matthews, who was going through the same program as Landon. Unfortunately, he had some behavioral problems. He was kicked out of two different high schools because of some bullying issues which was probably a result from his father being arrested a few years prior for murder in the first degree.

John had explicitly told me that I was not to have any contact with him because of his flawed record. I nodded, not really caring because I didn't really have any desire to communicate with him anyways. Besides, I was interested in someone else.

That all changed one day when I was eating lunch in the mess hall and the new recruit came over to my table, asking if he could join me. I merely gave him a look, communicating to him that I had no desire to speak with him and that I wished to be left alone.

"Can't ya talk?" Billy taunted. I ignored him. "Take that as a no." he said as he sat down across the table from me. I kept eating my food, not acknowledging him. I really just wanted him to go away. I also didn't want to get into trouble with John, so I just ignored him.

"Now I don't know anything about you, but you're a pretty girl. I'd sure love to get to know you better." he said as he ran a finger up my arm.

"Don't touch me." I said venomously, yanking my arm away.

"Oh, so the mute girl does talk. And she's even got a pretty voice to match that equally pretty face." he sneered, leaning closer across the table.

I stood up and walked away, intent on finding John. Billy grabbed my arm and I acted on pure instinct, making my elbow collide with his face, blood leaking out his nose almost immediately. I'm sure I broke it. I smirked in self-satisfaction as I started to walk away again.

Billy shouted, "What the hell is wrong with you!?" and then went for me, but I dodged his punch easily and kicked him in the stomach. I started to get mad and went for him again, the emotions I had been feeling in the past few weeks coming out with a vengeance.

This "little scuffle" drew the attention of everyone in the mess hall immediately, and within seconds, I was restrained from putting another mark on his face. I noticed that Sergeant Jason Markham was holding me back, and even though I knew I couldn't get out of his grasp I still struggled against him.

Jason is probably the closest thing to a big brother I've ever had, so it didn't really take much for me to stop struggling after he merely tightened his grip and gently shushed me. I think he knew that Billy had done something that made me snap, because I, of course, don't usually go around punching recruits, and he knows this. He also knows that I've had a rough week, making me a little more on edge than usual.

"What is going on here?" Major Lorne shouted as he stepped between Billy and me, making both of us freeze in our place, looking quite angry and possibly a bit confused.

"She attacked me!" Billy claimed. Jason was still holding me tightly against him, probably because he was afraid that if he loosened his grip I would either bolt or go at Billy again. He gave me a gentle squeeze as I noticeably tensed at Billy's incredulous tone as I was trying to keep my anger at bay.

"After you came on to me!" I shouted back. I saw a marine calling for someone on the radio out of the corner of my eye, and my gut was telling me that he's calling for John. I would give it about sixty seconds before he makes an appearance... after all, his office is only right down the hall.

"I did no such thing!" he claimed, but I doubt anyone bought it. I would be surprised if I even got into trouble for this.

"What the hell is going on here?" John said, standing in the place Major Lorne was just residing as he stepped to the side, standing next to John. He looked at me, then at Billy, back to me, and finally at Major Lorne, silently demanding an explanation. Billy was trying to act innocent whereas I was boring holes through him, thinking about how badly I wanted to put permanent scars on his smug little face.

"The only thing I know is that Billy sat at the table where Izzy was, and the next thing I know they're fighting. Billy says that Izzy attacked her, Izzy said he came on to her. Quite frankly, I don't buy a single thing Billy is saying." Major Lorne said, shrugging.

"She came at me." Billy stated.

"After you came on to me, saying that you would, and quote, 'like to get to know you better' as you ran your clammy finger up my arm!" I shouted. I knew that would get their attention. Jason's arms tightened around me, except he was the one that was tensing this time.

"You did what?" John said in a low and dangerous tone, coming to stand in front of me protectively, facing Billy.

"I was just messing around!" Billy pleaded, squirming in the marines' grasp. "I wasn't actually going to do anything. I'm not that stupid."

I couldn't see John's face, but I could tell by his posture that he was _pissed _and was trying to keep his anger subsided. I know he probably wanted to beat Billy to a bloody pulp right then and there, but doing so would definitely get him into trouble, so he restrained himself.

"If I ever see you talk to, or even look at my daughter, you will wish that you hadn't even been born. Do you understand me?" Billy noticeably paled and nodded, looking something resembling a bobble head. "Get him out of here." he said angrily, motioning to Stackhouse holding him. It was then that I noticed that John's hand was clenched in a fist. He flexed his hand and relaxed it, turning around to face me.

"Are you okay?" he asked. Jason patted my arm and gave me a sympathetic look as he walked away to return to his lunch.

"I'm fine." I said. "He was just creepy."

"Hey, you're talking." John said with a smile, walking out of the mess hall with me.

"Yeah." I said quietly. "Sorry it's not under different circumstances."

"Well, regardless, it's good to hear your voice again. I've missed it." he said as he pulled me into a side hug.

"I've missed talking to you. I'm sorry, I don't know what was wrong with me." I said.

"Nothing was wrong with you. You were just dealing with the situation differently than others, is all." John said, and I smiled back.

"Where are you headed next?" I asked, following John's lead.

"Unfortunately, we have a mission in about an hour. Nothing too significant, but I'll be gone for a few hours." John said, putting his hand on the small of my back, leading me down a different corridor.

"That's what you said last time." I said quietly, staring at the ground. I obviously haven't gotten over my fear of John going off world after what happened with the Genii and the Wraith. My nightmares haven't stopped yet, but they aren't as pervasive or as bad as they were before, so I guess I can be a little grateful for the progress.

"Hey," John said softly. "Nothing is going to happen. We've been on this world before; it's a small group of peaceful villagers. We're only going to trade with them so we can get some food to put in the pantry for later." John added that last part in with a small smirk, knowing that it would get me to chuckle a little bit.

I looked at John in the eyes, and I knew that look well. It was the look that John gave me when he was trying to reassure me that nothing bad was going to happen. I couldn't help but give him a small smile back, even though I was still worried about him.

"Will… will you be back to tuck me in tonight?" I asked, sounding something like a small child. If my friends from school saw me right now, they would think that I was the most immature teenager ever. No one my age gets tucked in.

But here I am, a fourteen-year-old girl who is living in another galaxy with many more threats that I even knew existed. I've been deprived of a lot of physical touch from a paternal figure since my mom was so distant, so I enjoyed basking in the safety and love that my father provided, which includes being tucked in at night. Sue me.

"You bet." John replied, tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear.

I took his hand as we made our way to the armory so John could start getting geared up for his mission. I wasn't allowed inside, so I watched from the doorway as they got their gear together. I knew that John was always careful, but this annoying and nagging part of me thought that something was going to be wrong.

I walked with them to the gate room and John gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek as they left.

* * *

I decided that it would be a good time to go to the library and see if I could find anything worth reading. I was happy to find the library was empty, as per usual, so I started going through the various collections that the Ancient library contained.

"They had some books added for ye a couple days ago." I heard someone say from behind me in a familiar Scottish accent.

I turned around and saw someone that I thought I was never going to see again.

Carson.

One of my best friends in the entire world was standing in the doorway to the library.

"Carson." I breathed running to him and jumping in his arms. He caught me easily and held me tight, rocking me back and forth slightly.

I pulled away and he held me at arms length, looking at me with a twinkle in his eyes.

"But… you died." I stuttered. "A couple weeks ago. You blew up. You were dead."

Carson's eyes filled with regret as he gazed at me steadily.

"I did." He said. "I'm not really here. You're dreaming."

"But… it feels so real." I replied. "You feel so real."

Carson gave me a small, sad smile before taking my hand and leading me over to a couch, sitting down and patting the space next to him.

"So, how have ye been, lass?" Carson asked, putting his arm on the back of the sofa.

"All right…" I said. I debated not telling him what happened, but Carson could see right through my lies like no one else could. "John was kidnapped and tortured by a Wraith. I saw some of it… but then the Wraith gave him his youth back and they escaped somehow."

"You saw it happen?" Carson asked incredulously.

"Yeah." I said softly. "It was on the screen in the control room."

I heard Carson sigh and saw him rub a hand over his face out of the corner of my eye.

"And how did you deal with that afterwards?" Carson asked, moving his arm from the back of the couch to my shoulders.

"Not so good." I said honestly. "I didn't talk for a while."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I guess I had just shut down." I sighed.

"Sounds like you've had a rough few weeks." Carson said. "I'm sorry I'm not here to help you through it."

I hesitated for a few moments. "Well… you're here now. That's something."

Carson didn't say anything, but I knew that he was going to be leaving soon.

"I'm sorry, lass, I wish I could stay here longer, but yer father is trying to wake ye up." Carson said in his thick Scottish accent.

He pulled me in for a hug and I leaned into him, enjoying how real this felt for just a few moments longer.

"I miss you." I whispered as a few tears streamed down my face.

He pulled away just enough so he could give me a kiss on the forehead.

"I miss you, too."

* * *

I opened my eyes to see that I had fallen asleep in the library, sprawled out on the couch with a book on my chest. John was leaning over me with a small smile on his face.

"You looked so happy. I didn't want to wake you." John said quietly. "I just thought you would want to know that we made it back."

I held out my hand and John grabbed it, gently pulling me to my feet and into a hug.

"How long were you gone?" I asked, pulling away from him.

"About three hours. They were expecting us so it didn't take very long." John replied, reaching out a hand to ruffle my hair slightly.

As I walked with John to the mess hall to eat dinner, I couldn't stop thinking about the dream I had. It felt _so real. _I couldn't shake the feeling that somehow… someway… sometime… I would be seeing Carson again.

But not in a dream this time.

In real life.

I just hoped that I was right.

* * *

**A/N: Shorter chapter this time, and it was kind of a filler chapter, but I hope you enjoyed. The action will be picking up soon!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Next chapter… all because of your lovely reviews. Thank you. Mwah. :-* **

**Disclaimer: Sometimes I have weird dreams about me living on Atlantis, but they never make sense. That's probably an issue.**

* * *

Chapter 11 – The Siege, Part One

I took the stairs to the control room two at a time. Something exciting had just happened and I wanted to tell John about it. I jogged into the control room and saw a group of men with uniforms on, similar to the ones that the crew wore on the Daedalus.

John was walking with Rodney, Dr. Weir, and a black bald guy that I didn't know towards the conference room. John looked confused and perhaps a little concerned at whatever the black guy was saying.

He made eye contact with me and gave me a reassuring smile and said something to the other three before coming over to me.

"Hey, kiddo." John said, giving me a kiss on the head.

"Guess what I found?" I started saying before he cut me off with a gentle hand on my arm.

"Can you save the story for later? Colonel Ellis has called an emergency meeting with Rodney, Elizabeth, and I." He said, looking unenthusiastic.

"Oh." was all I said.

"Are you okay?" John asked after a moments pause.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just going to tell you something. I'll save it." I said, giving him a reassuring smile.

"Why don't you go see if Jason is doing anything? This meeting could take a while." John suggested.

"All right. Good luck." I said, giving John a quick hug as I skipped off to find Jason.

I was going to tell John about a new plant that Dr. Brown discovered recently. Oh well. It can wait.

I walked down the now-familiar corridors to the gym, where I assumed Jason would be. He's almost always there at this time of day.

I saw Ronon instructing Jason how to do something, but I couldn't hear what. Ronon went to punch Jason but he blocked it and did a counter move, using his current position to twist Ronon's arm and kick him in the side. It was very smooth if you ask me, and even Ronon looked impressed.

"Hey, Izzy." Jason said as greeting when he noticed me watching from the doorway.

"Hey." I replied, coming inside to sit on the window seat. "What are you guys working on?"

"Just some hand-to-hand combat. You can never learn too much, just remember that." Jason said, winking at me.

I felt my face heat up as I smiled… ah, my stupid girlish ways. Speaking of, one nice thing about living on Atlantis was the number of attractive men that lived here. Even if they are way too old for me, I didn't mind the attention from older attractive men every once in a while.

"Well, I think we're good for today." Ronon said, slapping Jason on the shoulder.

"Tomorrow, same time?" Jason asked.

"Sure." Ronon said, giving me a small smile as he left the gym with his bag.

"How has your day been?" Jason asked, picking up his various belongings scattered around the gym.

"Good. I found a new balcony facing the sunset over the ocean. Definitely my new spot. Also, Dr. Brown discovered a sweet new plant." I said with a smile, standing up to follow Jason out of the gym.

"In my opinion, the sunsets here are better than the ones on Earth. Plants are cool, too." Jason said with a mischievous grin.

"I think so, too!" I exclaimed, referring to the sunsets. "No one else does. There's so much more pink here than I've seen on Earth."

"Don't forget how much bigger the sun looks, too." Jason replied with a lopsided grin.

"How about you?" I asked. "How was your day?"

"Fine. Just had a couple meetings this morning and then training with Ronon. I was just headed to lunch. Care to join me?"

"Sure." I said.

"Just… one thing." Jason said, looking at me.

"What's that?"

"Hands to yourself." Jason said, smirking.

I glared at him at he was eluding to the "little scuffle" I had with Billy last week. Remember when I broke his nose? Well after John's not-so-subtle threat, Billy hasn't even glanced or acknowledged me, to which I was very grateful.

I playfully shoved Jason as we walked in the mess hall. While I wasn't proud of it, Jason enjoyed giving me a hard time about it, and I didn't mind. I think it's because it was hard for him because of how much he wanted to put a dent on Billy's face because of what he said to me. I don't blame him. Jason is protective of me. You'd have to be blind and deaf to miss it.

"Can I ask you something without you thinking that I'm going crazy?" I asked once we sat down with our lunch.

"Sure." Jason replied, shrugging.

"I've been having these dreams lately." I said cautiously.

"About what?" he asked, taking a bite from his sandwich.

"Carson." I said quietly, picking at my food.

Jason stopped and put his sandwich down, wiped his mouth, and looked at me steadily, showing me that I had his full attention.

"What about Carson?" he inquired.

"It's never a bad dream. He just comes into my dream and we'll talk about whatever… mostly about my day or the current struggles I'm having. The thing is that it feels _so real, _like it actually happened in real life. I've never dreamed like that before. And I have this feeling that I'm going to be seeing him in person, but I don't even know how that's possible." I said, deciding that I would take a small bite of my previously untouched meal.

"Have you told your dad about it?" Jason asked. So far, it didn't seem like he thought I was crazy or anything… he wasn't judging or scolding me for thinking such crazy things, so I take that as a good sign.

I shook my head.

"Why not?" he asked.

"I don't know." I replied, not meeting his gaze. "I guess I don't know how to tell him."

"What's wrong with the way you just told me?" Jason asked, sipping his water.

I thought for a moment before shrugging. "I don't know. It's just different with John."

"Well, I would ask him about it. See what he thinks." Jason said, looking at me with a twinkle in his eye. "But, since you asked me first, it wouldn't be unusual. Not for the Pegasus Galaxy."

I nodded and pushed my plate away.

"Not hungry?" Jason asked, noticing my reluctance to eat.

I shook my head.

"Just don't make a habit out of it." Jason said, taking the last bite of his sandwich.

"Don't plan on it." I said, still thinking about the vivid dreams I had been having.

"Do you wanna spar later?" I asked after a few moments.

"Only if you eat before then. I don't want you passing out from hunger." Jason replied. "Your dad would have my head."

"Fine." I said, grumbling, as I took another few bites. "Happy?"

"Not really." Jason replied. I rolled my eyes. Yup… just as annoying as I imagined a big brother to be.

"Izzy." Jason said seriously. "You should tell your Dad. He'll know what to do."

"You think so?" I asked.

"I _know_ so." he said confidently, smiling at me. "Go on and find him."

"Okay." I said. "Thanks, Jason."

He nodded. "Anytime, kid."

I put what was left of my lunch in the trash and headed back to the control room to find John. When I got there, they were just getting out of said "top secret/emergency" meeting.

I gave him a small wave as he made eye contact with me. He gave me a small smile in return, said something to Dr. Weir and then walked to me.

"How was the meeting?" I asked.

"Fine." John shrugged. "I'll be leaving soon for a mission."

"Where are you headed this time?" I asked meekly, holding on to John's arm as we walked.

"I can't tell you, but what I need to tell you is that Earth's safety depends on it." John said seriously. "So, it's very important that I go."

I nodded, even though John wasn't looking at me.

"Did you find Jason?" John asked after I didn't say anything.

"Yeah…" I said. "He was taking hand-to-hand training from Ronon."

"Who won?" John asked.

"Who do you think?" I replied.

"True." John said with a small smile.

"Hey… can I talk to you about something without you thinking that I'm going crazy?" I inquired, wringing my hands together nervously.

"Of course." John said.

"Well… I've been having these really vivid dreams lately, ever since you went on that trading mission and you found me asleep in the library." I said, taking a calming breath.

"What are these dreams about?" John asked, looking at me quizzically.

"Carson." I said, getting a little choked up. "In the dreams, he will come to wherever I am and we'll just sit down and talk. He'll ask me about my day and I'll just talk to him, for however long I want to or until I wake up. And then we'll say goodbye and I'll see him again the next time I fall asleep."

I paused in my story to study John to gauge his reaction to see how I should proceed. His facial expression was very similar to Jason's a little while ago, and Jason didn't think I was crazy so I decided to continue.

"The thing is that I have this feeling that I'll be seeing Carson again… but not in a dream like I do every night. In real life." I said, plopping on the couch in John's room once we got back to our quarters.

"Well that wouldn't be the craziest thing that's happened. This is the Pegasus Galaxy after all. Anything is possible." John said, sitting on the edge of his bed facing me.

"So…" I said slowly. "You don't think I'm crazy?"

"Of course not. You're probably just stressed out from all that's been going on and need to rest. It's been a rough few months. You're body is probably still trying to adjust." John said in his reassuring tone…

"You're probably right." I said softly. Maybe… maybe he was right.

* * *

Two days later, John was back and the ships from the Replicator home world had been destroyed. Everyone was excited, but that excitement only lasted for a moment.

I met John after he got back from his mission and I was walking with him on the way to the control room. Since the mission was successful, he told me what they had been doing. He also told me that Elizabeth wasn't exactly happy with the idea, which I understood, but I still agreed with John. Any chance to get the upper hand on the Replicators was a chance worth taking.

Speaking of Dr. Weir, she was just coming up the steps as John and I were going down.

"Welcome back." she said, and while she should be excited that everyone made it back okay, her tone wasn't entirely convincing.

"I hear congratulations are in order." Dr. Weir said.

"Thank you." John replied. I knew he was excited about the victory, so I hope Elizabeth doesn't put a damper on his cautiously excited mood.

"How was the mission? Was it a success?" Teyla asked, coming alongside Elizabeth with Ronon in tow.

"We did get all the ships." John said, nodding. Teyla nodded back, silently giving her congratulations.

"I wish I could have been there to see it." Ronon stated with a small smile on his face.

"Well… space battles are a lot more exciting on TV than they are in real life." John said, mirroring Ronon's smirk. I knew he was trying to tread carefully around me with my ever-present fear of John dying on a mission.

We were interrupted by Chuck yelling over at us, telling us that we're going to want to see whatever he was looking at on the screen.

I looked at John and held on to his arm as we walked over to see what was going on, feeling nervous at Chuck's tone and body language.

"We've got a contact. It just came out of hyperspace." he said.

"Is it broadcasting IFF?" Dr. Weir asked. Whatever the heck that meant.

"No, ma'am." Chuck replied. Guess I don't have to worry about whatever the heck "IFF" means.

"Wraith?" Ronon asked.

"Eh, it's very small. I doubt it." Chuck said.

"Raise the shield!" Dr. Weir called over her shoulder after a moment's hesitation.

"It's taking a geo-synchronous orbit around the planet." Chuck said.

"We should have the Apollo check it out." John suggested. I didn't really like how concerned everyone looked, and I imagine that they were even more concerned since they had just launched an attack on the Replicator home world. It wouldn't surprise me if they were retaliating.

"Tell the Colonel he needs to get back to his ship." Dr. Weir said, turning to John.

John nodded and tugged on my arm, taking me with him and Ronon. We were only gone a few minutes before we were back in front of the screen in the control room. I was actually kind of surprised that they let me stay, because John would just tell me about it later. Plus, I think he wanted to keep me close until they could figure out exactly what this thing was.

Apparently, whatever was floating around in space was a cross between a satellite and a Stargate.

Rodney sat down at a work station and was furiously typing away at a computer.

"What could be the purpose of that?" Elizabeth asked.

"No idea." Rodney mumbled in the tone he used when he was answering someone's obviously stupid question.

"It just activated." Colonel Ellis said.

"The Stargate?" John asked disbelievingly.

"Get us away from it!" I heard Colonel Ellis yell. Whatever was happened was not good. I moved a step closer to John and wrapped my arms around one of his, standing behind him and peering around his shoulder to watch the screen.

"It's hitting the planet!" Chuck yelled. And then I felt something strike Atlantis. We were under attack.

* * *

**A/N: Duh duh dunnnn. There's part one! I decided to split this episode into two parts since so many things happen in it. I have most of the next chapter written, but I'll probably wait a week or two to post it… that is, unless I get really awesome reviews and then I'll post it by the end of the day Monday. Deal?**


	12. AUTHOR'S NOTE TWO

**Sorry to be blowing up your e-mails. **

**I promise this is the last one for tonight, and it's a short one. **

**I have created a Twitter account for Izzy. **

**So, if I'm being a horrible updater and you need something to hold you over until the next chapter, you can check out her twitter account for her 160 character musings.**

**PLEASE. Check it out. **

**her username: izzysheppard**

**author's username: kristinbloomer**

**Thank you! I have the best fans out there. My love to you all. Mwah.**


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: Here's part two! Thank you to my 50 followers and 20 favorites. You guys keep me going! Also, your reviews and encouragement have been amazing recently. Don't stop. :)**

* * *

Chapter 12

"He wants to sink it?" I screeched. "We can do that?"

"Yeah…" John said, running his hand through his hair like he did when he was stressed. I walked with him out on the balcony and looked at the red beam hitting the top of the shield. I was terrified, but part of me had faith in their ability to get us out of seemingly impossible situations. I've seen them do it before in the few months that I had been here, and I had faith that they would be able to do it again.

We stood there in a tense silence, both of us deep in thought. I think we both knew that it was a long shot, but a shot worth taking. This whole predicament we've found ourselves in makes me rethink my support of our decision to bomb the Replicator home world.

"We made the right call." John stated. It scared me how well he could read my thoughts based on my facial expression sometimes.

"I just hope we'll get out of this." I said, feeling kind of miserable.

"We will." John said confidently, and I believed him.

"Come on." John said gently, taking my hand. "I'll walk you to our quarters."

We walked in silence through the halls, neither of us knowing what to say. I held on to his hand tightly, afraid that it might be one of the last times that I'll get to do so.

We paused outside of our quarters, and John pulled me into a tight hug. He held me for a few seconds before pulling away, putting his hands on the side of my face and giving me a tender kiss on the forehead.

"We'll be fine." John said with a reassuring smile. "I'll go get Landon and have him hang out with you, so just wait until he gets here. I've got to go help take care of things, keep your headset on in case I need to get a hold of you, and stay in the designated safe areas. You remember where they are?" John asked, his hands on my shoulders and his face serious.

I nodded and took a calming breath, giving John another hug before turning around and walking into the silence of our quarters. If you listened, you could hear the weapon hitting the shield. It was unnerving, but reassuring at the same time because the shields were holding. It wasn't long before I heard the chime ring in our quarters, and I knew immediately that it was Landon.

"Hey." Landon said, giving me a hug. "You holding up okay?"

"Yeah." I said. "While I know that our situation is impossible, I know that they'll figure it out."

"That's the spirit." Landon said, a small smile on his face.

Just then, Dr. Weir came over the citywide intercom.

"_Attention all personnel. We are about to attempt to submerge the city. From what I understand, it could get a little bumpy, so this is your last chance to secure your equipment and get to the designated safe areas."_

"Balcony?" I asked.

"Yeah." Landon agreed, walking outside to the balcony with me.

We didn't say anything for a few minutes, just sat and waited for the city to land on the bottom of the ocean floor. It was amazing to watch the city sink to the bottom. I could see the occasional huge fish swim by and then… it was dark, very dark. The thing that amazed me was that even though we were sitting at the bottom of the ocean, I couldn't feel any difference. No pressure change, nothing. They should put this technology on airplanes on Earth. It would sure help my headaches that came along with said pressure change.

"Do you miss Earth?" I asked, staring out over the city.

"Sometimes." Landon said honestly. "But, I'm reminded everyday how lucky I am to be able to have an experience like this. I wouldn't give this up for the world."

"Yeah." I agreed.

"What about you? Do you miss it?" Landon asked, leaning on the balcony railing.

"Not really." I said. "I didn't really leave anything behind."

"Nothing? What about your mom? Friends?" Landon asked.

"I haven't told you the story about how I came to live here, did I?" I realized. It was still hard to talk about, but I knew that I would have to tell Landon eventually.

"Nope." he said. "I never thought it appropriate to ask."

"Well, it's still hard to talk about, but I'll tell you if you want." I said.

"If you want to tell me, I'll listen. If you don't, well… I understand if it's hard for you to talk about." Landon said.

"Well, I guess it was a few months ago now. I snuck out one night to go to a midnight premiere of the newest movie. I don't even remember what movie it was now. When I got back home, I found my Mom in our apartment. She was dead." I said, taking a deep breath to compose myself before continuing.

"She was a big time lawyer in Pittsburgh. I still don't know if they ever caught the person who killed her, and it makes me wonder if she had done something bad or if someone was mad at her for something that wasn't her fault."

I sighed and rested my chin on top of my arms that were folded over the balcony railing. Landon put his hand on my shoulder and started rubbing my back, and the butterflies started He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to, and I didn't expect him to.

I relaxed into his touch and closed my eyes, just letting the peace that it brought wash over me. For just a few moments, I allowed myself to forget about how impossible our situation was.

"What did you do before you came here?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"I had just graduated from Thomas Jefferson Military Academy. I wasn't even planning on doing anything military-related after that, but I got a visit from my house from General O'Neill. I had to receive security clearance before they could even tell me what was going on, and after he told me about the program, I just couldn't say no." Landon explained.

"Why you?" I asked bluntly. After seeing Landon's confused and kind of taken aback facial expression I rephrased. "I mean, why did they choose you for the program?"

Landon smiled reassuringly. "I don't know. I think General O'Neill said that I had a good record, that I was trustworthy, and that I looked 'promising.'" He said, making quote signs with his fingers. "I was asked to do something unethical as a test and I guess they really decided that I was a good choice when I wouldn't do it."

"Oh." I said. "That's cool."

"What's your family like?" I asked after a few more moments of silence.

"My parents died when I was little… got hit by a drunk driver. My baby sister and me lived with my aunt and uncle after that. I started going to Thomas Jefferson when I turned fourteen."

"Sorry about your parents." I said sincerely. "I know how that goes."

"Yeah…" Landon said. "At least you have your dad though. I would give anything to have my dad around and be able to tell him about all the cool things I get to experience." Landon said sadly.

"Don't forget about all the near-death experiences, too." I said with a small grin on my face.

Landon smiled back, and I melted a little bit on the inside. Boy, if I died today, I would definitely die happy.

"What about you?" Landon asked. "What did you do?"

"I went to one of the top schools in western Pennsylvania that was about forty minutes away from where I lived with my mom. She made a lot of money, so she hired a driver to take me back and forth from our condo to school. I didn't really have a ton of friends because no one lived near me, so I mostly just kept to myself."

"I'm sorry." Landon said, looking out over the ocean.

"For what?" I asked, somewhat confused.

"Just that you didn't have a lot of friends. They can make all the difference in the world." Landon said.

"Well... I have you now. John, Jason, Evan, Teyla, Dr. Keller, Ronon…" I said, listing off the people I was close with.

"Don't forget Billy." Landon said, laughing.

I gave him a playful punch as I bit back a laugh. Everyone thought that it was so hilarious that I beat him up, and I don't really know why. They were definitely not going to let me live that one down.

The door to John's balcony slid open behind us, and John, Ronon, and Teyla walked through. I smiled and said hey to them.

"Thought I might find you out here." John said.

"How's it going up there?" I asked, referring to the fact that we were still under attack.

"Rodney and Zelenka are working on it. I think we were just getting in the way." John said, moving to stand next to me.

"They'll figure something out." I said honestly.

"Yeah." John agreed.

We stood in silence for a few minutes, just watching the city and the beam continually strike the top of the shield. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, it just was. We all knew that this was a difficult situation and that we might not get out of it, so I guess no one knew what to say.

Finally, Ronon spoke up.

"I need to learn some science." he said. My brow furrowed in confusion.

"What for?" John asked, his face mirroring my own.

"I'm not all that useful in situations like these." Ronon said honestly. "If you need me to fight, break out of somewhere, or kill someone, I'm your man."

Teyla and I chuckled at this. Oh, Ronon.

"But a laser attacking the city's shield… I don't know where to chip in." he added.

"Well, that's why we're a team. Like, the Fantastic Four." John said, shrugging.

I chuckled at his Earth-analogy. I think Landon and I were the only ones that were actually going to understand the reference unless John showed Ronon and Teyla the movie or matching comic book.

I was right. Teyla and Ronon just stared at John with thoroughly confused facial expressions. They didn't get it. This made me laugh even more than I already was.

"It's a comic book where superheroes fight crime 'n stuff." John tried explaining. "See, I'd be Mr. Fantastic; Ronon would be The Thing; McKay would be the Human Torch... you'd be the Invisible Woman." John said, directing the last statement to Teyla.

"I am not invisible." Teyla said with a bite behind the statement. Landon and I just looked at each other and tried to keep from laughing. You know when you sometimes try to cover up a laugh by coughing? That's what I did. I don't think it worked based on the slightly amusedexpression I got from John.

"No. No, and McKay's not a human torch." John continued.

"Well, how come _you_ get to be Mr. Fantastic?" Teyla asked pointedly.

"Because he was the leader and I'm the ..." John trailed off and looked at Ronon and Teyla. Ronon was smirking slightly while Teyla looked back at John impassively.

"I'm just saying that _they_ were a cool team and _we're_ a cool team and they use their strengths to, you know ..." John said. Ah, face palm. At this point John was just digging himself a grave. Teyla continued to give John an impassive look while Ronon was still smirking.

"I'm gonna go check on McKay." John said, patting me on the back as he left.

It was maybe only ten minutes later that I learned of the new plan. Basically, they were going to take some of the power from the drilling platform and the rest from the ZPM to fly the city while Major Lorne puts an asteroid in front of the laser, effectively giving us a minute to get the city into the air.

I went with Ronon, Teyla, and Landon to the control room to wait it out until we received some sort of instruction as to what to do or where to go. They wanted everyone in the central tower for the time being in case something happens and we need to decrease shield size or if the laser hits one of the outside sections… or something.

I stood next to John as Dr. Weir came over city-wide and explained to everyone what was going on.

"Izzy, can I talk to you?" John asked quietly, tugging on my arm and leading me towards the privacy of Dr. Weir's office.

"Yeah." I said, concerned. "What's up?"

"Look," John said. "We're going to be beaming all the non-essential personnel to the Apollo."

"Why?" I inquired.

"Just in case something goes wrong and it doesn't work. I want you to go with them." John said seriously.

"But…" I thought out loud. "I want to stay with you."

"I know, but I need you to be in the Apollo so that you'll be out of harm's way. Okay?" John explained gently.

"Okay." I said quietly.

"You should go get a few of your things. I have to go with Rodney to the chair so we can do some last minute adjustments." John said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I nodded and swiped at my eye when a tear spilled over. There goes that darn separation anxiety again. I took a step forward into John's waiting arms and buried my face in his chest, just breathing in John's smell that quickly became my favorite scent after coming to Atlantis. I think the reality of the situation was finally sinking in as the clock ticked down, but even though I was afraid, I was still confident.

"I love you." I said. It probably sounded more like "mmphguphuh" but John got the idea. He held me tight and pulled me away enough so that he could put his hands on either side of my face and give me a tender kiss on the forehead.

"Love you too, kiddo." He said back. John took my hand and walked out of Dr. Weir's office and walked me to the transporter. I walked inside and gave him a small wave before turning and touching the part of the screen where our quarters were. I packed some of my belongings and a few minutes later, I was on the Apollo.

* * *

The next couple days were intense. When Atlantis didn't show up to where we were supposed to meet them, we started to get worried, because that meant that they probably ran out of power somehow.

Thinking about all this led me to wonder if everyone was all right. The only reason that I could think of as to why they ran out of power was because something horrible happened… that's the feeling I got anyways.

I wasn't very sociable for the next couple days either. Evan, Jason, and Landon repeatedly tried to get me to say more than a few words, but they were unsuccessful. I didn't really have anything to say anyways so I didn't. I was too busy worrying about whether or not everyone on Atlantis was okay and if they were going to make it.

I heard a light knock on my door before it opened.

"Hey, kid." Jason said, closing the door quietly behind him. "Just thought I should come check on you. I haven't seen you in a while. Are you okay?"

I merely nodded as I sat sideways on the bed, resting my back against the wall, making room for Jason to sit down if he wanted to.

"Been a rough couple of days, huh?" He asked, sitting down next to me close enough so that our arms were touching.

"Try couple of months." I mumbled.

"She speaks!" Jason exclaimed, giving me a gentle nudge. I gave him a sort of tired laugh in return before we fell back into silence for a few moments again.

"I just don't know what to say." I explained, picking at the loose string on the hem of my shirt.

"Have you eaten anything yet today?" Jason asked, taking in my disheveled state.

"I don't know. What day is it?" I asked.

"Thursday." Jason stated.

I shook my head. I hadn't eaten anything since Wednesday morning.

"You need to eat something, Izzy. This isn't healthy." Jason said, sounding worried.

"I would, but every time I try I just end up throwing it up anyways because of how worried I am. Doesn't really do any good." I explained.

"Have you tried taking anything for it?" Jason inquired.

"No." I said quietly.

Jason sighed as he got off the bed and left the room. I knew he would be back. I also knew that he was going to the infirmary to get an anti-nausea medicine, along with some food probably. He's becoming very predictable.

Sure enough, a few minutes later, Jason came in with a tray of food in one hand and a small packet of pills in the other. I wrinkled up my nose in distaste. Jason gave me a disapproving look before sitting down on the bed next to me again, passing over the tray and the pills.

"So, you're supposed to take the pill first and then eat." he explained.

"Do I have to?" I whined.

"Yes." Jason stated without hesitation.

"Fine." I grumbled. I picked up my spoon and took small bite of chicken noodle soup, chewed it up slowly before swallowing. I waited for a few seconds and took another bite, deciding that I was suddenly hungry.

"See? It isn't so bad." Jason teased.

I suddenly felt the ship lurch as if we had just been hit by something. I looked at Jason worriedly and he tried giving a reassuring smile before the ship lurched again a few more times. I set the try down on the bedside table and hopped off, intending on finding out what was going on.

I jogged towards the cafeteria where there were windows so that I could see what was going on outside, Jason in tow behind me.

We were under attack by someone, but I don't know whom. The shield seemed to be holding, but all of a sudden the shields went down for a few seconds before being raised again. That only meant one thing: they were allowing someone onto the ship.

We jumped into hyperspace and were on our way again, so I went and got another bowl of soup to try eating again. I saw Jason tap his earpiece and say something out of the corner of my eye. He didn't make any move to tell me anything and he didn't leave, so I didn't really think anything of it. He sat with me while I ate, and we sat and talked about what we thought was going to happen.

I knew we would be okay, but I was beginning to wonder what would happen to me if Atlantis (and John) didn't make it. I would be sent back to Earth, but where would I live? I don't have any family that I know of, so would they put me into the foster care system or would someone from Atlantis adopt me? I didn't want to think about it anymore, so I pushed it out of my mind.

"Izzy." I heard someone say from behind me. I knew that voice as clear as day. I looked at Jason briefly who was smiling back with a genuine twinkle in his eye. I whipped my head around and almost cried out in relief.

"Dad!" I cried, scrambling out of my chair and all but leaping into his arms.

"You're okay. What happened? Why didn't you meet us?" I nearly panicked. John pulled away and held up a hand, gently quieting me.

"It's a long story. A lot has happened in the past couple of days." he explained. I gave him another hug before pulling away and going to sit down where I had been sitting earlier.

Jason patted my back once I was sitting and I said my "thanks" and "goodbyes". If it weren't for Jason these past couple of insane days, I don't know where I would be emotionally right now. He kept me sane… for the most part. Maybe some day I'll get used to all these "life and death" situations but for now they were really wearing on me.

"What did I miss? Why didn't you meet us?" I asked, taking a bite of lukewarm soup.

"Well, when we were taking off we had to lower the shield for a minute so we could get enough power to take off." John said, running a hand over his face. "We were hit by the laser for a few seconds, but we were still able to jump into hyperspace."

After a few moments of silence and John's pained facial expression, I could tell that he was leaving something out of the story.

"What aren't you telling me?" I asked, putting down my spoon.

I didn't like John's face. It was identical to the facial expression he had when he told me that Carson had died. My horror grew with each second before John spoke.

"Elizabeth didn't make it." John said sadly.

I covered my mouth in horror and shook my head. When would the death stop? Since I've been here, two people that I cared about have died. Is this a normal thing in the Pegasus galaxy? I hope not, because there was no way that I was going to get used to this.

John reached across the table as I allowed a few silent tears run down my face. While I cared about Dr. Weir, we weren't that close, so while I was still sad about it, I was mostly sad for John because I knew that he _really _cared about her.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, getting up and going around the table. John pushed his chair back and I sat sideways on his lap, turning to wrap my arms around his neck in a tight hug. He hugged me back for a few seconds and I felt him reach up, presumably to wipe a stray tear away.

I pulled away and went to sit back down, my eyes dry for the time being. I rubbed at my face, trying to remove the remnants of the tear tracks before watching John to see if he was going to say something.

He explained everything that happened: about getting lost in space because of not having the power requirements, about stealing a ZPM from the Replicator home world, about how they lost Dr. Weir. I wasn't exactly happy about their gutsy plan, but one of the things that I learned to accept was that John did dangerous things, but he _always _made it out all right. It seems like the only bad things that happened to him weren't even on the "dangerous" missions, but rather the missions where they expected everything to go smoothly. Like, the "Iratus Bug incident" and when he was kidnapped by the Genii. In both of those situations, things were supposed to be easy, but bad things happened to John both times.

I spent the next couple of hours attached to John's hip as we landed on a nearby planet. The mainland had huge poisonous snakes apparently, but other than that, it was a habitable planet. The landing was a little rough, but we made it. Things were definitely looking up.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry about not posting this last night. My silly internet was out and then I didn't get a chance to sit down and post it until now. **

**After the poll results and a few PMs I got, I decided to stick to the show and kill Elizabeth. It seemed that only a few of you had strong opinions on the matter, and the differing opinions were pretty much split 50/50. Hope none of you are too disappointed, but if you are, feel free to write me a complaint. ;) **

**Also, thanks to those who followed my personal and Izzy's twitter account! It's been fun doing it, and I hope that you are enjoying it as well. If you didn't see in the previous A/N, Izzy's username is izzysheppard and mine is kristinbloomer. Feel free to follow both accounts and I will follow you back. God bless!**


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